Meer's Writings

[Meerful]

Here i plan to show the world my lousy pathetic love letters, poems, etc, and you guys can post yours too ;]
i'm just saying, i adore writing, and love letters are something i write often, even if they aren't to anyone. they're a great way to output some emotional gore ^_^

here's one i wrote like ten minutes ago XD

i have a lot of question and i know for as long as i am alive and breathing they're going to remain unanswered. and i can't stand it. why is this happening? what did i do? i guess everyone asks those questions when the most important aspect of their life decides to disappear. there really is no difference, this situation is completely unoriginal, but i'm experiencing a brand new hurt i've never had to succumb to. and i have to surrender. i have no choice. when i'm being pushed away by something stronger than me, i can't hold on, i have to let go, and i have to be shoved in the dark. the least you could do is maybe turn a light on for me, but then you would see me, and you don't want that do you? i completely understand. i'm such a distraction. i wouldn't want me getting in the way either, and that's what i do best. i ruin everything, i mess things up for people. when things don't go my way, i get bitter, and i become a huge _____. i don't blame you for throwing me away. i'm not worth anything anyway. it just kills me to think about you. your eyes, your hair, your lips, your lips against mine, your hand holding mine, the way you say 'i love you'. it just brings tears to my eyes and they fall to the floor. after a while a small puddle accumulates and when i look down into it with tear-blurred eyes, all i see are more gut-wrenching memories that just cause me to cry even more. i love you, and i would give anything for you to understand that. when you tell me about how much you wanted me before, it makes me hate myself a little more. i could've had you all along! and that resonates through my mind every night before i fall asleep, tears trailing down my cheek. you could have been mine, i could have taken you forever, i could have had you, i could have had you, i could have had you. it kills me inside, and inside there's a part of me that's killing myself. i hate myself for making you wait, and i hate myself for ruining this. i do ruin everything, i just didn't know i was the one ruining it at first. but i was, i was all along! my hesitation was like poison, and it was just intoxicating and concentrating until finally it pulled us apart. it was my fault. if i had just taken you when i had the chance, would this have worked out? what if what if what if! that's all i think about. what if i treated you right? what if i paid more attention to what i was doing? now i'm afraid i've hurt you too much to ever be yours again. but you're hurting me too. you're hurting me worse than i've hurt in my entire life. but i deserve it, i know i do. i hate what i did. if i could just go back and fix it i would, i swear i would. since you came into my life, and i saw you like i never did before, my heart just isn't the same. i wish i could have realized how perfect you were. i wish i had known. you're everything i ever wanted, i just... why couldn't i open my eyes? you're everything i've ever visualized. and i don't know why i didn't fight for you this way when i could have. i was jealous all along. i always was, but i didn't care, i thought it was just a phase. this is far from a phase. i could be expecting to die before i would say this love isn't completely bare, and true and the most i've ever felt seeping through my body. it would take all of the ink in the world and more for me to write down just what you mean to me, and how much i love you, and how much i think of you. it makes me angry to love you this way, and know that... you... don't... want... me... i don't want you. i need you. when i'm not communicating with you in someway, text, phone calls, emails, IMs, in person, i'm just, i'm out of it. i can't handle it. i thought i'd felt anxiety like this, but this is on a higher level, its unlike anything i have ever been forced to endure. does that mean anything to you? do i mean anything to you? or has this all just been a fling for you? are you meaning to tell me that your heart is as fickle as my decision making skills? i don't know what i want. i never do. but my heart does. it beats for you. that second beat belongs to you, and only you. its yours forever. are you telling me you don't know what you want? because if you really don't want me i need to know. and if you really don't want me then tell me, and don't spare my feelings. lay it out. rip me apart. i can handle it. i'll even hand you the scalpel and allow you to cut open my skin and tear out my fragile heart. its yours to smash and crush and shred. you can keep it if you want it. even if it means nothing to you. i wish you could understand just what i'm trying to tell you though. you make me want to take everything i've ever written on my life, and just burn those pages, and start all over. i only want to write about my life when you're in it. you're the only part of my life that has this much.... affect on me. i adore parts of my life, i like others, but the part of my life that you've been in is the only part that i love. does this make sense? its kind of hard for even me to understand, but i guess since i'm the one feeling it, its easier to comprehend. even now, i'm speaking with you, and you're acting like everything is just fine and well. it never will be. not when my heart is aching for you like this and you refuse to accept it. oh, and how i lie to you. i tell you i wasn't happy with you, just to heal my pride. i don't deserve you. i just want to hurt you like you hurt me, sometimes. i have no right to. but i do. i don't have to look for what brings me closer to complete, you ARE what brings me there. YOU complete me. i try so hard to avoid you, but i can't. you're like my sunshine, my air, the stars. i need you. you can't see me breaking down right now... then there's that pressure at the back of my throat that begs me to suck in air and make my lungs deflate as i scream your name out. and now you're telling me you never stopped loving me, and its just so hard to believe, when you tell me you love me, it sets my soul free. i don't know how to get it across to you. i need you and love you and want you and care for you and worry about and i would do anything for you. i would die for you. i'm so unsure how you feel for me, and i hope you don't hate me for that. but i wouldn't blame you. i hate me, too. i just, i love yo so much, i'm just so scared, but if i have told lies all my life, this can be my first true confession;
i love you _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
there's still so much more i didn't have time to write.

[Spook]

Omg, Meer. That is an amazing love letter. You could write a book around that letter as the plot! You write so descriptively and well that you picture and feel everything going on. Good job!

[Meerful]

I Lost My Best Friend Last Year

I lost my best friend last year;
It was my fault, it was her fault,
Or something like that.
I wasn’t intending for it to happen,
Of course, one normally does not wish for downfall.
Yet… yet, these things make themselves shown;
Like cancer.
So long undetected, and found out too late.
Our promises to always be friends
Were once strong,
But her sincerity turned to hollow voids,
They were empty.
I used to believe in things,
I was young, naive, and I anticipated the future;
Now I only want to douse behind my ears with water
And cut my leg off, count the rings, bleed away the vision
That is getting ready to make itself shown once I hit ‘play’.
Maybe if it rains enough, I’ll be what goes away.
Maybe if we read those rings, we would see the truth;
My years of loneliness, my shrinking self confidence,
Oh, am I only meant to be a stepping stone?
Fate, what have you made of me?
Where is my justified destiny?
I’ve lost everything I care about.
How am I supposed to make it through your trials?
When you give me no hope of making it through this life?
Love, your venom is black,
It hurts me, it’s quite ferocious.
I used to believe in you.
I thought maybe, just maybe,
Someday I would gently be thrust into you;
Warm, safe, content;
But what I feel now is cold and desperate,
Misery is my right hand, and my left.
I’m telling you now,
I’ve seen that there is no bottom to this,
Its endless, this sinking depression.
I have been there,
My life is being forged into its very walls,
A niche, small, and ever falling apart;
Just like me, disrupted, the epitome of a discrepancy.
I have taste its bitter fruits,
My memories are rife with the scent of them.
I know that place.
I know its taste, its flavor,
My sensual perception of it grows ever stronger,
Until it is all I feel.
They tell me it’s my fault, it’s my loss;
To be such a waste of flesh and bones,
They say I should be ashamed for not thinking of anyone.
All of them reprimand me because I make them sad
By being so down trot.
They scold me for thinking of only myself.
Who is the selfish one, I dare ask!
Is it me?
Drowning in a pool of self pity?
Or you, dying for my smiles, that you take your
Impatience out on me, and further my misery!
It mustn’t be me.
I swear to you that once a time ago,
I knew just where I wanted to be and what I wanted to see.
My eyesight has failed me,
And I’m lost, lost, lost,
But you don’t want to help me.
These tears are for our loss, not only mine.
Your tears are only for yourself.
I hope each one makes you sick.
Sick enough in a way you know how it feels
To be annihilated by a feeling.
My core has crumbled,
My head has become a dust-collecting antique,
No longer of any use to this world,
And my hands, my feet, my body,
They are no longer anything but rotting.
If I could only fix this mess,
I would.
This anxiety is completely deriving me
Of anything but woe and utter regret,
I lost you, I lost you, and I lost you,
But why? Why?
I just forget, I forget.
Perhaps, we never met?
What a relief it would be to think
This pain is a memory that chance could theft.
Oh, I’m jaded again.
Silly me.
Wouldn’t it be nice if
Just maybe…
My whole being could bear witness to
A new era?
A time where my stars weren’t crossed
And my cards were played right?
No, of course not.
This is my fate.
I am all my strife.
This is how I must perish.
I am the cause of my demise,
I ruin everything.
Did I mention?
I lost my best friend last year.
I think, though, its time I stopped
Shedding for her my tears;
I am everything bad,
I am everything I fear.

[Fallenberry]

wow! Those letters are fantastic!! I'm awful at letters...I can only do stories...I'm writing one at the moment.

Once again, those letters are really good!!!

[Meerful]

Thanks :]