||is.the.grass.greener.on.the.other.side?

[w i n d y o <3]

reserved for Runningpaw right now.


r o s e y
Is the grass greener on the other side? Or are we only looking at the benefits or something we do not get?

It was true that Rosepelt led a productive, successful life. She had survived. Survival was key in the forest of the four Clans. How many cats could not say the same? How many had died for pointless reasons like dogs, badgers, and other such things? Her life had been influenced by those she loved such as Wingstar, Puddleclaw, and her own, dear parents. Even, in some ways, Fallensky who had opened so many different doors in her mind. Although her short term affects were not the proudest moments, his speech had longer term affects which benefited her. While she doubted herself for a while afterwords, having many conflicting feelings, she began to find her true self and realize that it did not matter what her parents were like or thought-- she was a different cat, a different entity ready to fight her own battles with her own wit and intelligence.

Wingstar had played a major role-- always had. Her dear friend was dead, but never lost. Rosepelt had to move on, continue living her deary life as a proud warrior of WindClan to live up to Wingstar's standards. My dear friend, what would you think of me now...

Nature seemed to mirror her personality as the cool wind blew then stopped, much like her thoughts of anguish then self confidence-- they came, then left, like the moon and sun rotating day and night, changing the earth. Her personality changed often-- the way she woke up controlled everything she did, much like many cats. If she woke up good, she stayed good and found herself having luck while hunting. The negative was when she woke up sour, she found herself having nothing but bad luck all day. Maybe it was karma, maybe it wasn't.

The young warrior now sat only to stare off into the distance which was blurred since her mind was not focusing on anything except the internal conflict she felt inside her inner and deeper soul.

[Kitsu <3]

&&. runnin.gpaw

i'm falling apart--;

[-- Runningkit stared after her father. "But, where are you going? You can't leave me here alone. . ." She murmured softly. Her mother's head turned, and she gave her mate an accusing look. "You tell her, Kestrelfang. She's your kit." She ordered. He let out a scoffing sound. "My kit? I don't remember giving birth to her. Why don't you do that?" Giving her a smirk, he continued to walk away. Her mother snarled at him. "And who was the one who wanted kits, hm? Certainly not me. I don't want the little ignorant nuisances running around the camp, you did. You tell her." Kestrelfang hissed at her. "No, Whispertalon. Let her find out on her own, then." The queen snorted, but didn't say anything to her only daughter. Instincively, the blind kit followed them, not remembering to keep low to the grass. It only took a moment for Whispertalon to see her; whipping around, she hissed hatefully. "Go away, Runningkit! Nobody wants you here, nobody wants you alive."

barely breathing--;

[-- Runningkit flinched as if her mother had struck her. A tear drifted slowly down her cheek as a dot of rain splashed onto her nose. Whispertalon's words rang in her head, pawsteps fading as Kestrelfang led her mother away. Nobody wants you here, nobody wants you alive. Nobody wants you here, nobody wants you alive. Nobody wants you here. . . And so it went on. The kitten's ears drooped, slowly getting wet from the rain. She wanted to kill herself, let her body fall down to the grass and never get up. Nobody wants you here. The words stung her every time they repeated themselves. Nobody wants me alive. They slowly transformed from her mother saying them to her saying them. "Nobody wants me here. . . nobody wants me alive." She wanted to crumble.

with a broken heart--;

[-- Runningkit forced herself to push past the pain. As much as her parents hated her, they didn't need to hurt themselves, which was what her naïve little heart believed that they were going to do. And, the scent of blood confirmed it. "Mom! Dad!" The kit began to sprint toward where it was, the rain washing away her pain if only for a moment. Wind confused her, blowing this way and that; but she trusted herself, and quickly found them. Her father's dead body lay at her paws, blood seeping between her toes. Scenting his claws, she realized painfully that he had attacked Whispertalon-- or she had attacked him. Her fur was stuck in his claws. Turning, her blind eyes raced around, as if looking could help her find her mother. Runningkit began to bound around in the grass, but she wished she hadn't when she tripped over her mother's body.

that's still bleeding--;

[-- "Oof!" Runningkit cried. It was obvious now; they had gone out of camp to kill each other. Tears streamed down her face, blending with the rain and wind. "Those traitors." She whispered. Runningkit could never return to camp and tell anyone that Whispertalon and Kestrelfang had killed themselves with a sad tone. These two were traitors. They didn't deserve the respect. . . --]

---

Runningpaw stared at her paws. The soft wind threatened coming rain. She didn't leave camp, even though she wanted to. She would wait until the sudden memory left her mind, and the sharp pain was gone. How could she go on living like this? She hated her parents now, yes, but had they really deserved to die? No, they couldn't have. Nobody wants you here, nobody wants you alive. The pain was too fresh, and made her realize that at least Whispertalon had deserved to die. Maybe not Kestrelfang. . . yes, him too. She sighed heavily. Was it her fault they were dead? No, right? Right. She could never make a cat kill themself. The scent in the air alerted her of another cat, but she didn't bother turning her head from the sitting position she'd claimed near the entrance to the camp. If they want to talk, they can speak first. She thought, turning her eyes to the center of the camp. Nobody wants me here. Am I supposed to leave or kill myself?

[w i n d y o <3]

r o s e y
I haven't a clue... do you?

Rosepelt turned to look at Runningpaw, the apprentice not too far a distance from her own body. Her movement had brought Rosepelt away from her thoughts about her parents and justification against Windstar. There was so much going on in her little mind, that Rosepelt had neglected to look about her surroundings. I wonder what Runningpaw is thinking about... Rosepelt could clearly see the strange far away look in the cats eyes. Rosepelt knew the look for she experienced it often.

Maybe I should go talk to her. The WindClan warrior pondered this thought for a while, keeping her gazed fixed on Runningpaw. I hope she is not too troubled-- to complexed about her situation. The idea that Rosepelt was worried about the complexity of the apprentice's situation was rather ironic since her own internal conflict was very complex-- one that started many moons ago. It was something she should have gotten over and moved on from, but Rosepelt never did. In a way she felt as if she connected with Runningpaw, like she could feel her fellow Clan cat's pain.

"Hello there, Runningpaw, how are things today? Good, I hope." The words came out mellow for she had no idea what to say or how to say them. Her green orbs flashed for a moment and as she tried to make eye contact with Runningpaw.
[/size]

[Kitsu <3]

&&. runnin.gpaw

i'm falling apart--;

"Hello there, Runningpaw, how are things today? Good, I hope."

barely breathing--;

Running laughed mentally. Oh, I'm fine. . . just wasting in my pain and longing for the family I never had. She thought sarcastically, turning her clear blue eyes in the direction the other cat's voice had come from. "Well, I could say I was fine and that everything was perfectly good today, but that would be a complete lie. Why not tell you the bitter truth? Because I honestly don't know what I would tell you, what makes my day so bad. I know for one thing it's that my mother told me a while ago that nobody wanted me here in WindClan. In fact, she even said that nobody wanted me alive. It's kind of hard to live that down, don't you think? At least she's gone now. I'm sure if she wasn't then I'd be dead, because she hated me so much. And she was probably as much help to the Clan as a scrawny mouse." She ended her ramble, pausing for a few seconds with her eyes locked where Rosepelt's were sure to be. "Oh, right. She was as much use to the Clan as me."

with a broken heart--;

It was impossible not to hear the pain straining in her voice on her last two sentences. Her fur prickled slightly as she continued to keep her blind gaze on Rose's face. "That's how every day goes. I remember those few words and boom. My whole day-- no, at this point, my whole life-- is ruined. And how can I get past that? I don't know. Which is exactly my point. I have absolutely no point to be here right now. Neither of my parents want me, neither of them thought that the Clan would, either. And it looks like they were right, because here I am, probably rambling your ears off your head and you're more likely than not regretting chatting with me so I would pour out how I felt onto your poor shoulders. But whatever! If you don't want to hear me blabber, then just leave. I don't care. I'll talk to the dust or something else that'll listen without leaving me. I'm miserable enough to stand you hating me. Everyone does.

that's still bleeding--;

"But, it's perfectly fine if you want to stay, too. Although you probably won't. I'll be talking for quite some time, I'm sure. You might as well scurry off to your warm den where you can ignore the blabbermouth over here. Go on, I won't mind if you do." There was hatred on her tongue as she finished the second part and therefore finished her entire speech. Her eyes closed and she turned her head away, sighing softly. Running listened carefully for pawsteps as Rosepelt was bound to walk away. Who would listen to her boring rambling?

Nobody wants you here. Nobody wants you alive.

[w i n d y o <3]

r o s e y
Yeah. Thats what you think.

Rosepelt's eyes only widened for a moment, then they fell back down to normal size. And I thought I was having problems, she thought to herself cynically. She then snickered for a moment, sitting down next to the depressed cat. "Oh, dear, trust me-- I understand. I know it's hard. I know you want to push people away, kind of like you're doing with me. Your Clan is here for you, now. I know that sounds so cliche and wrong, and no one believes it, but it takes a little faith and hope to overcome something so wrong as to losing a parent, or being rejected."

Both had happened to Rosepelt. Her rejection from her father, the loss of her mother. The only family she had was her cousin Puddleclaw, who was too busy befriending everyone. Puddleclaw was the perfect cat who could overcome everything. Everyone loved her. Her beautiful pelt, sincere smile, the way she was with words. She was the image of a perfect cat and warrior. Everyone respected her. While Rosepelt was just there-- the cat of the great warrior Hollowheart who abandoned his kits and mate. The cat who was close to the reckless warrior Windstorm. Oh, the those were the great days of humility as she watched Puddleclaw overcome losing both her parents, and all Rosepelt could do was hold onto what she considered to be the dear, sweet memories.

"It's hard to lose someone close-- lose something close to your heart." There was Fallingsky, who she had almost developed a connection with. But, he too, left her. He had become withdrawn, and she was alone. He understood her. He always had. "If you turn around, just for a moment, and open your eyes, you may find what you're looking for." The only thing Rosepelt had to hold onto now was Wingstar, her beloved mentor. That was all she had to make herself feel special.

Are you confused?

[Kitsu <3]

[ooc] oh, sorry about before and not replying. lack of muse, illness, and then a virus ><

&&. runnin.gpaw

i'm falling apart--;

"Oh, dear, trust me-- I understand. I know it's hard. I know you want to push people away, kind of like you're doing with me. Your Clan is here for you, now. I know that sounds so cliche and wrong, and no one believes it, but it takes a little faith and hope to overcome something so wrong as to losing a parent, or being rejected. It's hard to lose someone close-- lose something close to your heart. If you turn around, just for a moment, and open your eyes, you may find what you're looking for."

barely breathing--;

Runningpaw released a hard, cold, bitter laugh. "Right! My eyes are more open than your's, I'm sure. It's unlikely anyone has more open eyes than me. But still, I see nothing! I can't see what's about to happen, but can you? No. Nobody can, but especially not me. It's impossible!" Harsh sarcasm laced her words like a dress. She was somewhat implying that she was blind, but she knew that nobody could see through her mask. At least, that was what she hoped. "If you honestly want me to open my eyes, why don't you open your own and look at me! They're already perfectly open, and I see all that I need to see. I see that my Clan hates me. I see that my parents were traitors. I see that there's a cat near me that won't leave me alone because she thinks I have hope in this world! I don't! Get it into your head!

with a broken heart--;

"Oh, and another thing. When will you realize that trying to get me to do stuff is pointless? I have absolutely no purpose. I just eat prey and sleep. I don't even hardly have a mentor! I don't know how to hunt, to fight, anything! I'm a waste to WindClan, that's what I am. A big waste that has no purpose here." When Running finished fuming at her, she turned away and lay down with her back to Rosepelt. There was no point in her living. Nobody was even training her. Nobody wanted to train her. Nobody wanted her alive except for maybe this cat, who was making a bad choice in trying to reason with her. Runningpaw sighed heavily, her head going limp in her paws.

that's still bleeding--;

Why was she always so irrational? Putting up a fight with her words, never accepting help. No wonder nobody liked her, but she wasn't going to apologize. Ever. This stupid cat had gotten her temper up, which was usually hard, and she wasn't going to accept that Running had absolutely no point and that she was wasting her time. Why can't she just admit that I'm as useless as the blade of grass in front of me? Suddenly, Running wondered if anyone else had heard her outburst. The more the better, she thought sarcastically.

[w i n d y o <3]

r o s e y
Indulge on love

Rosepelt only now looked at her, her face showing no sympathy, no love, and no hate. It was a blank stare, one which signal she was being sucked into her tranquil of memories. The slender she-cat finally broke from her stare, still having no expression on her face to turn to the apprentice, was starting to annoy her. Rosepelt was not known to have sympathy-- her angry and bitter resentment to wards her parents disabled her act of love, and when she did she love, it was rejected over and over again. Now Runningpaw had decided to rant and ramble about nonsense that was irrelevant to the future they had at hand. Runningpaw was to be an apprentice, and Ravenfeather and Windstar had asked to for her to help mentor since Ravenfeather had other apprentices at hand. Did she want this cat?

"List here, Runningpaw. Your self-pity act must work great on others, but for your information-- you're not special enough to be hated. Got it?" She snapped back, her face beating and blood pumping. "You claim your small eyes are are open, but are they open to the physical things or the mental reality as well? You're stuck in this Clan for a purpose, only StarClan knows what that is-- but if you keep complaining, you'll never find your purpose." Rosepelt felt overwhelmed by her anger, but it was something that had to come out.

"As for a mentor, I've got the lucky honor of training you." Rosepelt, although she felt like a new warrior, was not anymore. She was no longer the newbie apprentice turned warrior. This was it-- her chance to shine. Rosepelt had finally calmed down and the hairs on her body were black down. Her temper had flared, and this seemed to be happening more often. "I know its hard to lose your parents. I know it can mess with your head and make you doubt StarClan. But they are up there, with your parents, and you'll be taken care of. Your here in this Clan and WindClan needs you. We need all the warriors we can get, so chin up and face reality-- you're gonna be trained by me and Ravenfeather, then your going to be a warrior and serve your purpose. Deal with it."

beat up hatred.

[Kitsu <3]

&&. runnin.gpaw

i'm falling apart--;

"List here, Runningpaw. Your self-pity act must work great on others, but for your information-- you're not special enough to be hated. Got it? You claim your small eyes are are open, but are they open to the physical things or the mental reality as well? You're stuck in this Clan for a purpose, only StarClan knows what that is-- but if you keep complaining, you'll never find your purpose. As for a mentor, I've got the lucky honor of training you. I know its hard to lose your parents. I know it can mess with your head and make you doubt StarClan. But they are up there, with your parents, and you'll be taken care of. Your here in this Clan and WindClan needs you. We need all the warriors we can get, so chin up and face reality-- you're gonna be trained by me and Ravenfeather, then your going to be a warrior and serve your purpose. Deal with it."

barely breathing--;

Running laughed again. "Do know that I'll make your training impossible. That's why no one likes me. And, I never said that I had lost my faith in StarClan. Stop putting words into my mouth. Why bother training me, anyway? And no. I don't see physical things. Know why? I'm blind! I'd think that even as well as I hide it, you would know. But no. You're too ignorant. If only you could understand what it's like not to see! I'd be so much happier if I could. I wouldn't be hated if it weren't for my blindness. That's why my mother rejected me. Why my father rejected me. Are you happy now? Glad that I told you the secret I've been keeping for so long? In the very least, don't tell anyone else."

with a broken heart--;

Runningpaw lifted her head and turned it backward at Rosepelt. "Can you realize how depressed I am? Do you know what my mother said before she killed my father, before he killed her?" She sighed deeply, her voice turning nearly silent and scratchy. "She told me that nobody wanted me here. That nobody wanted me alive. Do you know painful that was?" Running closed her eyes dejectedly and shuddered. Her anger was gone, the anger that had forced out her ranting speeches. But that was from her pain. She dropped her head to the ground. Now the words were repeating themselves again, echoing in her head.

that's still bleeding--;

"Nobody wants me here. Nobody wants me alive." She muttered. She wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. Pain whirled in her like before. Like in the memory, when her mother had broken her heart so badly that. . . that it was impossible to repair it. Especially since this pushy cat knew her darkest secret.

[w i n d y o <3]

r o s e y
Today you are You, that is truer than true.

Rosepelt only looked at Runningpaw, an exasperated expression covering her very annoyed face. To think, this had once been her, the angry cat who thought life would cave in on her. She was once the sad, depressed apprentice that felt useless because her father had left her alone and her mother had died, not even fighting to stay. To make it all the worse, her father and mother were given the title of some of the most respected cats of WindClan, while she stuck around, depressed and angry, having to listen to how wonderful they were, while all she could thinking about was how they had both left in their own ways, and she was alone. Completely alone.

Brownclaw had left her, and she could now see the frustration Brownclaw would have felt with her, due to the fact that she moped and complained and whined repeatedly, but she was different now. Very different. "Look, Runningpaw, your sad sob story isn't going to work on. You can go ahead and keep thinking your going to make this training miserable, but the truth of the matter is, it'll only be miserable if you make it miserable. If you just shut up and listen to my instructions and do what I say, it can run smooth and you'll be a warrior before you know it. It's up to you-- not your mother or father's dead memory-- to decide what you want to do with this situation."

"I know you're hurting, but WindClan needs its warriors. Windstar told us mentors that recently. She's worried something might happen, and you're exactly what we need, a feisty warrior." Rosepelt was calm now for she knew the only way to get through to these apprentice was to let Runningpaw's anger bounce off of her own calm spirit.

There is no one alive who is Youer than You

[Kitsu <3]

[ really short, sorry Dx ]

&&. runnin.gpaw

i'm falling apart--;

"Look, Runningpaw, your sad sob story isn't going to work on. You can go ahead and keep thinking your going to make this training miserable, but the truth of the matter is, it'll only be miserable if you make it miserable. If you just shut up and listen to my instructions and do what I say, it can run smooth and you'll be a warrior before you know it. It's up to you-- not your mother or father's dead memory-- to decide what you want to do with this situation. I know you're hurting, but WindClan needs its warriors. Windstar told us mentors that recently. She's worried something might happen, and you're exactly what we need, a feisty warrior."

barely breathing--;

Runningpaw sighed. "Why would WindClan want a blind cat? I'd be hard to train; actually, moreso impossible. How would I know what you were doing? Do you plan on granting me sight or something each day for training and then let me go blind again after that?" she asked sarcastically. Her claws flexed restlessly and she dragged herself back to a sitting position, licking her fur to get rid of the dirt that she had gotten caught in it while waiting for Rosepelt's reply.