I won't cry.... ((Private, Lightpaw only please!))

[Northland]

Northpaw sat by the river, stareing into the swirling water. It wasn't real.... She told herself over and over again. What happened to my brother wasn't real, it can't be... It just can't be.

[Nightfur and Co.]

[glow=red,2,300]Lightpaw trotted slowly down the riverbank, her paws making hardly a sound in the soft grass. Something was wrong with Northpaw, but she didn't know what. They had won the battle--so far, at least--and she was very proud of herself for not running away. But pride was nothing when her friend didn't have it, too.

Soon the orange tabby was next to Northpaw. She sat down and silently began to groom her head, waiting for her to speak.[/glow]

[Northland]

"I never told you... That much did I Lightbreeze?" said Northpaw in a voice chocked with concealed sobs, "About... About where I came from before, did I?" Northpaw began trembleing, not sure how to word what she was trying to say. "Foreversnow..." said the small silver apprentice in barely more than a whisper, "I come from a place really far away called Foreversnow, don't ask how I got here please..." her voice trailed away, then, to Northpaw's own horror, she began sobbing. Then, when she couldn't contain it any more, tears began rolling down her mud streaked face.

[Nightfur and Co.]

[glow=red,2,300]Lightpaw listen patiently to her friend, and almost found herself crying along with her. But she forced herself not to--she had to be strong, if not for herself then for Northpaw. "Northernlights..." She whispered. "No, you never told me anything about this...this Foreversnow." She almost couldn't get the word out; it was like it was drowned in sorrow and misery, and she couldn't get her mouth around it. "S'ok, North," She meowed into her ear. "S'ok..." She cleaned away her tears gently, her tongue going around her eyes and ears.[/glow]

[Northland]

"If you think this little uprising is a war...." Mumbled North with what was almost sadistic humor in her voice, "then you are quite blissfully ignorant. Foreversnow Forever War it's all the same. The land of crimson ice, The eternally frozen sorrow it's all the same. No one can escape, not usually, there's only one way in, only one way out. Only one....." The humor faded from her voice, to be replaced by grief. "The Forever War has been going since before even the elders where born. Because of this, cats usually leave thier Tribe to raise thier kits, and come back once they're weened. Well, my brother and me, his names South, well no it's not..... And mines not North either, it's, it's Solar." she said calming slightly, "And his is Lunar. There's an old legend in Foreversnow about 2 Tribes of cats that don't exist anymore. Maybe they never did. But, anyway, They were all said to be either born at sunrise or sunset. All those born at sunrise were named Solar, and all those born at sunset where named Lunar, there's more to the story but I don't know it. " Her voice trailed away again, remembering the rest of it was painfull.

[Nightfur and Co.]

[glow=red,2,300]"Why..." Lightpaw took a deep breath and tried again. "Why are you telling me all this, Northpaw? All this about your home? And why...why have you never told me any of this before, about Foreversnow and your brother?" Not all of her words had sunken in yet; that there was a place, this full of...she couldn't describe it, exactly, but she didn't like it, and how any cat could live there, even Northpaw, was beyond her. She knew no one but Snowpelt as personal as she did Northpaw, and what the silver tabby was saying...kind of bothered her, but she didn't know why. "Is there anymore, about this place?" She asked haltingly. Despite her apprehension, she was curious to know more.[/glow]

[Northland]

The cruel humor returned as she continued. "More? Oh yes, the plots and deception. The fear ever present behind the eyes of your Tribemates, never knowing if they fall asleep that night, will they wake up in the mourning? The mistrustfulness in thier voices.... the battles, the killing, the cruelty, the sight of seeing every cat slaughtered, down to the kit born yesterday." Northpaw gave a shuddering sigh, "I never wanted to tell any one, Light. Remembering all that, then thinking of how life is here, and being forced to think, 'Why wasn't it like this back home? Could I have done anything about it? Why... why....WHY?!?!" The anger faded, and Northpaw continued, "Me, I was born at sunrise, I had a second brother, but he was stillborn at midnight, and Lunar, wellhe was born the sunset before.... My mother.... She died about a week after we were weened. We found our way back to ElmTribe on our own." She began crying again. "I hate war, Light, I hate it. All of it! It's pointless! What can you possibly hope to prove by killing?!?!"

[Nightfur and Co.]

[glow=red,2,300]"Nothing." Lightpaw held back her own sob. "You can't prove anything, Northernlights. I hate it, too. Knowing all I can do...is fight, and even that I hate! I wanted to be a healer, North, not a fighter!" She laid her head against Northpaw's shoulder. "We both lost somebody to fights, then, North. My mother died in a fight with my father...then he ran away, leaving me with Snowpelt." That was the story he had told her, that her father had run away. Lightpaw had never known any of her family; no brothers, sisters, grandparents, all of them were either nonexistant or dead. What she didn't know was that she saw her father every single day, and she saw her half siiblings play outside the nursery. "Please..." She whispered. "Don't tell me anymore, North, please! It tears at my heart, and it hurts...bad."[/glow]

[Northland]

Now Northpaw felt the icy claws of guilt clawingat her insides. She hadn't ment to make her friend suffer like this. Well, she thought silently, now you know why I never told you. And why I will never tell any one else. "I'm sorry....." she whispered, her voice choked. "But I need to know something Light, you know these kinds, you told me once..."

[Nightfur and Co.]

[glow=red,2,300]Lightpaw nodded. "StarClan hasn't spoken to me since I became an apprentice. That was my deepest secret..." She gulped. "You told me yours. But that didn't make me think like yours did! I spoke to them out of habit more than anything else! What you're telling me...it just isn't right, what your old home was like!" Please don't get mad, please don't get mad! She prayed silently.[/glow]

[Northland]

But I don't need to know that." said Northpaw, her voice horse from crying, "Only... Only if you think something might have been real, thats all." She prayed inside that it wasn't.

[Nightfur and Co.]

[glow=red,2,300]Lightpaw raised an eyebrow. What could she be talking about? "What kind of things, North?"[/glow]

[Northland]

"I saw, or at least I thought I saw something else. Half the time it was the battle in front of me, half the time... I think, I think I was seeing through my brother..." Even as she said it, Northpaw knew it sounded silly. But then why couldn't she shake this feeling? "I think he was fighting to, and Light, if it was real....." her voice croaked a few more inaudiable words befor she shook her head rapidly from side to side.

[Nightfur and Co.]

[glow=red,2,300]Lightpaw nudged her friend in the shoulder, soft but sure. "I believe you," she meowed. "I will always believe you, North, whatever you decide to say! Because you know what? I'm your friend, your best, best friend, and nothing will ever change that!" She smiled. "And who knows? Maybe your brother is here, just out of sight."[/glow]

[Northland]

"Thanks..... Thanks so much Light." Whispered Northpaw. "But it's true then..... ElmTribe's gone. Everyone's gone. Dead. I think my brother's dead..." Northpaw didn't have any tears left to cry. She just sat there, numb and shaking. Her legs felt weak, to weak to move ever again. She leaned against Lightpaw, her friend, her friend that would never leave her, and shut her eyes trying to block out the terrible memory still fresh in her mind.

[Nightfur and Co.]

[glow=red,2,300]Lightpaw stood strong against her friend, glad to be her solid rock. Glad to be her friend, and not her enemy. What would have happened, if they had never met? Would they have ever been friends, if she had been as loyal to StarClan as she was as a kit? Ever since her mother had died and Snowpelt had taken care of her, she believed she would come back, somehow. Gingerheart would come back. But...she hadn't. The dead couldn't come back alive, like Northpaw's brother. Like all of Elmtribe. "Come on, Northernlights, let's go back to camp," mewed Lightpaw softly.[/glow]

[Northland]

Northpaw shook her head. "I need to think about a few things first...." She sighed, then added "Thanks Lightbreeze, for everything." She stood wearily and ambled off, too where, she wasn't quite sure yet.