How did I ever [fall] for /you/.?

[Meerful]

K- K- K- Kodiak,,

i'd grab your head by your hair and i'd hack it off

An angry snarl pierced the air and echoed across the forest, bouncing off the trees and resting in the air for a few moments before everything became silent again. A large chocolate coloured tom was stalking through the territory, not paying any attention to where he was going. His claws were as bloody and torn as his heart felt as he ripped at the ground mercilessly, trying to alleviate the pain he felt bubbling up inside him slowly like a volcano, and now it was exploding out of him.

How could he have let her go? How could he have let Spook go? He loved her and she didn't even know it. Kodiak and Spook. It just sounded right. His heart burned in his chest, and he wondered when it was going to come up his throat and be a heaved up mess of broken pieces. Kodiak wasn't supposed to fall in love. That wasn't like him. Ever. How could he have let this happen? How did he ever fall for her?
...I wish we'd never met. Kodiak's silent heartache lead him to collapse and he stayed where he lay, no longer in the mood to get up, or live, or anything.

[Angelƒur]

Cream colored ears flicked towards the sound of snarling. What the? the she-cat wondered to herself. Putting one paw in front of the other, she slowly crepped towards the noise. Then the scent hit her. Loner she thought, with a slight hiss. Keeping low, the she-cat swiftly stalked through the short grass. "What are you doing on RiverClan territory?" she asked, showing herself.

[Meerful]

K- K- K- Kodiak,,

can't live my life knowing you'll be in his arms
each time i blink my eyes

Kodiak didn't even bother to turn to see who it was. He didn't care. He half hoped it would be a whole gang of warriors who would rip him up, but then another part of him knew he could probably take a few out before hand, and then his adrenaline would lead him to run away laughing. So strike out that idea. His ears had tempted to flicker upwards when the she-cat had spoken, but now the drooped back down to, wanting to sink into his head, and for his whole body to sink into the earth and never come back up.

"It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters. What are you gonna do about it?" He spat back at her, his eyes closed, almost painfully it looked, as he sighed sorrowfully. His bloody claws were jutting out of his paws and the blood was slowly oozing down to the earth. The feeling gave him goosebumps, but he ignored it. Nothing compared to the pain he felt inside.

[Angelƒur]

Padding closer, Angelfur realized it was a Tom, and he was deffinately a loner. "Well it does matter, since your not supposed to be here." Angelfur stated for the Tom. "And what I'll do about it is go back to my camp, get some of my warriors and my Leader, and bring them back here. If you left, we'd track you. You should get the point of what will happen then..." Angelfur finished, letting her sentence die out.

Angelfur couls feel pain coming from the tom. She almost felt sorry for him, but... Shaking her head, she began thinking straight. This is a Loner, on my terriotry. I should be chasing him off... But somehting was holding her back from doing so.

[Meerful]

K- K- K- Kodiak,,

i may have your heart, he has your body

Kodiak let out a long breath that blew away small particles of leaves and dirty around him. A miniscule cloud of dust arose and then fell, just like his body as it ached in his chest. Although his eyes were closed, his eyebrows narrowed downward, glaring, but not knowing just what it was that he was glaring at. He huffed when he heard her speak about tracking and warriors and leaders and what not. Since when would he care? What was so bad about dying anyway? All he wanted was a reason to live or a way to die.

"Go for it. I wont stop you. I wont move. I'll stay right here and you can rips the fur from my skin and my skin from my bones and you can toss them in the river. I don't care." Kodiak told her, his tone flat, and it backed up what he said, he didn't care, and it was evident in his voice. His nosed twitched as he caught scent of the she-cat, and he sneezed a little, but let his head fall back heavily to rest on his paws.

[Angelƒur]

Angelfur sighed, and closed her green eyes. "What is your problem? Are you on a death wish or something? she asked, sarcasm playing in her voice. This cat couldn't really want to die, could he? "Come on, whats wrong?" she asked, sitting down in front of the loner.

[Meerful]

K- K- K- Kodiak,,

somewhere someone's finding happiness
while i'm still here so hung up on you

Kodiak sighed and growled under his breath about she-cats being too sensitive. Why couldn't she just go get her little clanmates and rip him apart limb from limb? He slowly dragged his front paws up and lifted himself achingly. Dreadingly, he p[ened his eyes to the fresh world, and felt a new wave of hurt attack him. He could remember her with everything he saw, she was there. The trees, the air, the temperature, it was just so remotely her it killed him. Spook. How could he fall for her? Kodiak couldn't bring himself to look at the she-cat.

"I do have a deathwish. Life is my problem." He started, answering her first sarcastic questions, his voice caustic, "And everything is wrong. Nothing went the way it should have. I have never loved anything as honestly and truly as I love her. I would have done anything for her, I would give her my life, but it just wont ever be enough." His eyes were clouded with his emotional pain now, and it was almost overbearing in a way his stomach was heaving. "And you probably don't even care. Go on and get your warriors. I'll be waiting." His voice cracked and he fell to the ground again.

[Angelƒur]

Angelfur tilted her head, just so that the sunlight caught her fun an made it shine. "Hmmm. Wanna talk about it? I mean, I'm not gonna kill you just cause you want it. I'm not that mean" Angelfur mewed. Her green eyes had sympathy in them, not that this loner had noticed probably. A small breeze blew pasted, making her shiver a bit.

[Meerful]

K- K- K- Kodiak,,

my heart is empty just like your words

Kodiak's claws began to cling to the ground as he tried to think of the words to explain to this curious cat just how dead inside her felt because of her. His whole body felt hollow, dead, and chipping away, just like the trees in the winter. Spook was in his dreams, when he closed his eyes, he'd see her face, she was in his mind in a subtle place. It hurt when he'd need her, and it killed whenever he had to leave her. He was imperfect, so what was it to her?

Kodiak lifted his gaze and looked at the she-cat, and tried not to notice how pretty her fur looked. He closed his eyes again. No one was as pretty as Spook. Not ever this cat. Especially not this cat. "Fine. I'll just give you a reason to kill me at some point. But talking about it wont solve anything. Its all my fault. I was never around, and I never told her how I felt, and now she's in love and is going to be a beautiful mother of someone's kits, and they're not mine, and I want her so much. I love her. That's all there is to it. Happy?" Kodiak's voice was bitter and full of jealousy.

[Angelƒur]

Angelfur tried her best not to flinch at his words. She knew how he felt, she'd lsot the one she'd loved the most, Tigerheart. On top of that, she'd lost her beloved Stonefur, her adopted son. Angelfur could relate to this tom, they'd both lost the ones they loved most. But Angelfur hadn't lost Tigerheart by choice, he'd been killed many moons earlier, and Stone fur had been killed not long after. "I k-know how you feel" she managed to choke out. All the memories were coming back now, overwhelming her.

[Meerful]

K- K- K- Kodiak,,

in the night i hear them talk
the coldest story ever known
somwhere far along this road he lost his soul
to a woman so heartless

Kodiak bared his fangs at the she-cat, being completely opposite of her, and showing no emotion towards her heartache. He was an insensitive cat, and it shined throughout him about everything, except his sister, when he needed to protect her. He glared at her and lifted himself up slowly to stand up and tower over her. He was a big cat, a big, big cat. He always had been, and his muscles that banded all over him began to tense up with anger.

"You think you know? Do you have to see her with him? Do you have to see her so happy with him when all you ever wanted was to make her that happy? Do you have to suffer knowing everyday that not even your best was good enough? Do you have to die a little inside everyday knowing that you will never love anything or anyone as much as I love her, and she doesn't even think twice about me?" His voice had started strong and ferocious, and it now subsided into a plea for understanding. His heart seemed to be pumped something toxic throughout him, his legs faltered but he stayed standing.