Post by Dreamheart © 2006 on Nov 28, 2005 17:51:25 GMT -5
I had to write a short story for E.L.A. at school.... please tell me what you think of this, rate it out of 10 (10 being best, 1 being worst)
Silence crept around the frozen trees. The sun was now setting, yet the sky was streaked with beams of orange, pink, and lavender. Silver clouds gathered near, but it would be long before they stole the light, and changed everything to a never-ending blanket of darkness. Snow still covered the ground neatly; no footprints had trembled upon it. Right now, the entire forest seemed lost and deserted.
A light swishing sound emerged from an icy raspberry bush. A sleek fox leaped out, panting as she stopped to catch her lost breath. Her orange pelt was stained with scarlet blood, the liquid running from the small animal’s neck. She raised her head slowly as she inhaled the air. The fox’s eyes flickered with slight relief. The fox could scent more of her kind, which would mean slight safety from what had been chasing her. She started to happy step when a hiss buzzed in her ears. Cougars. A pack of ginger cougars had chased her well, but now they were back to finish their job of killing her. The young fox didn’t turn around to fight for life, instead, without a glace, she bolted forward. The enormous cats would surly follow, but to the fox, it was worth a try, much better than being ripped apart on the spot. She padded across the snow, trying to keep speed yet not slip as her mind reeled. A wounded fox against four healthy strong cougars- She didn’t have a chance against them. The invisible trail the animals followed grew thin. The trees seemed to crowd in, leaving barely any space to move a paw. The earth was now icier, and each gruelling step felt as if everything would crash beneath if the right choice wasn’t made. The nameless fox began to weaken; she had lost much blood and her legs began to tire from the running. She slowed to a panting walk, and she looked to the unknown terrain around her. She could scent her predators nearing; her life was limited. There was no hope of her living, even finding the pack would be useless. A few foxes against those hard cats would just be more deaths- of the foxes. The fox snapped back to reality, and she decided to hide in the snow somewhere. She took a step, but when her paw landed the earth slipped lower. Her head shot down to see what had her foot, and see spotted a narrow groundhog hole that had gulped her up. The fox struggled to get up, but her efforts were useless. She attempted again when a flash of auburn raced around her. Her heart pounded. The fox was bewildered with fear and a tug of hope. She tried to escape again, but it was too late to try. From the frosty snow, a ginger shape loomed towards the fox. A cougar appeared before the fox’s eyes, and then it sunk its teeth into her neck. A loathing pain throbbed inside her, but an even horrible one struck her paws. The cougars attacked her bitterly, leaving her with only seconds to live. All hope she had was now pouring out of her, just like the blood dripping from her mangled paw. She inhaled a shaky breath, and scent made her almost forget about her pain. It was too late to save her now, but what she smelled would at least get the cougars, ending their killing spree. A low growl hummed from the trees, followed by pounding steps. One of the orange cats stopped in mid-bite, it’s eyes wide with fear. A flicker of revengeful-hate shone in the fox’s eyes. A cougar yowled a cry as it turned around to turn. The other 3 followed, chasing their leader as fast as possible. The mysterious animal that had scared them bounded past the fox, and it let out a snarl. The fox gazed at the retreating wild cats, then looked over at the grizzly bear that had stopped the animals from murdering her. The fox was alone in the dark forest now, the cries of fighting drowned by her slowly breathing. She knew her revenge would be found, not by her, but by the help of someone else. At last, she closed her eyes, ending her being from the world.
Silence crept around the frozen trees. The sun was now setting, yet the sky was streaked with beams of orange, pink, and lavender. Silver clouds gathered near, but it would be long before they stole the light, and changed everything to a never-ending blanket of darkness. Snow still covered the ground neatly; no footprints had trembled upon it. Right now, the entire forest seemed lost and deserted.
A light swishing sound emerged from an icy raspberry bush. A sleek fox leaped out, panting as she stopped to catch her lost breath. Her orange pelt was stained with scarlet blood, the liquid running from the small animal’s neck. She raised her head slowly as she inhaled the air. The fox’s eyes flickered with slight relief. The fox could scent more of her kind, which would mean slight safety from what had been chasing her. She started to happy step when a hiss buzzed in her ears. Cougars. A pack of ginger cougars had chased her well, but now they were back to finish their job of killing her. The young fox didn’t turn around to fight for life, instead, without a glace, she bolted forward. The enormous cats would surly follow, but to the fox, it was worth a try, much better than being ripped apart on the spot. She padded across the snow, trying to keep speed yet not slip as her mind reeled. A wounded fox against four healthy strong cougars- She didn’t have a chance against them. The invisible trail the animals followed grew thin. The trees seemed to crowd in, leaving barely any space to move a paw. The earth was now icier, and each gruelling step felt as if everything would crash beneath if the right choice wasn’t made. The nameless fox began to weaken; she had lost much blood and her legs began to tire from the running. She slowed to a panting walk, and she looked to the unknown terrain around her. She could scent her predators nearing; her life was limited. There was no hope of her living, even finding the pack would be useless. A few foxes against those hard cats would just be more deaths- of the foxes. The fox snapped back to reality, and she decided to hide in the snow somewhere. She took a step, but when her paw landed the earth slipped lower. Her head shot down to see what had her foot, and see spotted a narrow groundhog hole that had gulped her up. The fox struggled to get up, but her efforts were useless. She attempted again when a flash of auburn raced around her. Her heart pounded. The fox was bewildered with fear and a tug of hope. She tried to escape again, but it was too late to try. From the frosty snow, a ginger shape loomed towards the fox. A cougar appeared before the fox’s eyes, and then it sunk its teeth into her neck. A loathing pain throbbed inside her, but an even horrible one struck her paws. The cougars attacked her bitterly, leaving her with only seconds to live. All hope she had was now pouring out of her, just like the blood dripping from her mangled paw. She inhaled a shaky breath, and scent made her almost forget about her pain. It was too late to save her now, but what she smelled would at least get the cougars, ending their killing spree. A low growl hummed from the trees, followed by pounding steps. One of the orange cats stopped in mid-bite, it’s eyes wide with fear. A flicker of revengeful-hate shone in the fox’s eyes. A cougar yowled a cry as it turned around to turn. The other 3 followed, chasing their leader as fast as possible. The mysterious animal that had scared them bounded past the fox, and it let out a snarl. The fox gazed at the retreating wild cats, then looked over at the grizzly bear that had stopped the animals from murdering her. The fox was alone in the dark forest now, the cries of fighting drowned by her slowly breathing. She knew her revenge would be found, not by her, but by the help of someone else. At last, she closed her eyes, ending her being from the world.
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