don't live for a [ quote ]; live for a [ dream ] !

[Creamstep <3]

[ open to anyone active ]

"Creamkit, come here! Don't go that way!"

"But this way's fun!"

"No! Stop, unless you want to die!"

"It's too windy! I can't make it back to you!" His voice was drained out, pushed down into the depths of his heart. The small kitten wailed in fright as the wind pushed at him, bowling him over. And in the second that he flipped the scene changed, the leaves stilled and instead of it being cool autumn it was icy winter. The young tom had grown to an apprentice size, and there was a shivering gray she-cat in front of him.

"It's okay, Poplar . . . You'll be alright." The herbs on his claws slowly drifted off and the she-cat bent her head forward, eating them. Creampaw nodded in approval, the snow freezing his claws. Poplar looked at him, fear in her eyes. Silently, Creampaw licked her behind the ear. "Get back to your den. I'll meet you there tomorrow at sunrise. This greencough won't kill you, I promise."

The image faded to black, then a piercing cry shot through the air. Creampaw had met Poplar, sure, but the she-cat wasn't breathing. His mentor was next to him, purring comfortingly. "It's okay. You did the right thing."

[/b][/i]

"The right thing? She really thought I did the right thing? Poplar died, for StarClan's sake! I let her die!" Creamstep dug his claws into the soil, his dream still pounding in his mind. Shaking his head, he glanced around. "Mm, I need to organize this place. It's a mess." Tilting his head toward the poppy seeds, he sighed. They weren't that scattered, but his disorder drew him forward and he pushed them back into the spot and picked up a dried oak leaf, putting it in front of the stash so the wind that he could feel on his whiskers wouldn't send them astray. The other herbs were all right, but they were low on catmint, like usual.

Why had his mentor left him so quickly? He was barely ready, and she'd just disappeared. He'd searched high and low for her body, but she was gone, without a trace, without a scent. She had restocked all the herbs but catmint. Did that mean something? Did that mean she was sick with greencough, or did it mean that she was a kittypet now? That made Creamstep almost want to get an apprentice, but he was much too young. Letting out a soft sigh, he hung his head.
[/color]
"It's okay. You did the right thing."[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Flightfall entered the camp, two rabbits and a mouse in his jaws. He hadn't hunted well at all that day; he wasn't proud of his catch at all. The tom sighed, dropping his prey in the fresh-kill pile. His mind had been racing these past couple of days. His thoughts were clogged with Ivypaw, of Severedclaw's words about the she-cat, of the past. For some reason, his head simply wasn't able to be cleared. Yet a focused, cleared mind was exactly what the gray and black tom needed. Flightfall's emerald eyes, clouded with exhaustion, surveyed the camp. Two cats caught his eye; Orangepaw and Farsight. The two of them scuffled playfully at the camp entrance, Farsight clearly trying to be a mentor to Orangepaw, who was only a couple of moons younger then him. Flightfall couldn't help but smile, remembering when he was a young warrior or even apprentice. Those days were long gone now though. Now, he stood as deputy.

His eyes moved over toward the medicine cat den. Inside, Flightfall caught sight of the new medicine cat, Creamstep. The tom's head hung low, causing Flightfall's eyes to narrow. What was wrong with him? Flightfall turned, about to walk over to the den. It was part of his job, and naturally in his personality, to check on other cats of the Clan and make sure they were okay. Flightfall's black paws padded across the camp ground, and he reached the medicine cat's den within a few strides. The tom cleared his throat, trying to catch Creamstep's attention, before he mewed, "Greetings, Creamstep. Everything okay? The herb stock well?" Starting small-talk would be a way for Flightfall to clear his own head as well. Still, he wanted to figure out what was bugging Creamstep, too.

((Sorry, so short))

[Creamstep <3]

"Greetings, Creamstep. Everything okay? The herb stock well?"

No. Everything wasn't okay. The herbs were fine, save for the catmint. Oh, and hello.

Creamstep didn't say any of those things. He turned his head slowly, almost painfully, looking at the deputy. Why not be honest?

"The herbs are fine. I need more catmint-- but what surprises and also confuses me is that Mintflower stocked up on everything but. I can't figure out if she was trying to tell me something by that, like she'd gone to live in the Twoleg garden where we usually find it, or if she died of greencough so late in the season. Or, did she just disappear without enough time to finish her job? I don't understand, Flightfall! I can't figure it out!"

His voice rose a few octaves on the last sentence. His claws flexed as he turned again, staring at the few leaves of catmint that were left. His heart was heavy and his blood felt like it was freezing. Trembling, he turned his forest green gaze to the deputy. Creamstep let out a sigh, wanting to drop to the ground. He needed to speak with StarClan and find out where Mintflower was. He just . . . couldn't.

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Flightfall frowned, surprised and yet troubled by Creamstep's words. Truth be told, Flightfall hadn't paid much attention to Mintflower's disappearance. Cats vanished from the Clan all the time, including Arrowpaw, Flightfall's brother. His eyes clouded, memories of the gray tabby tom in his mind. Arrowpaw had never gotten to be made a warrior alongside Flightfall, something the two of them always dreamed of doing. Flightfall's father had also disappeared, just a few moons before Arrowpaw. He'd been terrified, frantic to find them, but then he let it go. This was all natural. Cats would go without a trace for awhile, usually because they just left the Clan. Since his family, Flightfall hadn't really thought of cats disappearing, when there were other matters in the Clan to be solved.

"There might not be anything to it," Flightfall mewed slowly, not wanting to offend the medicine cat. "Have StarClan showed you something, anything new at all?" Flightfall bit his lip, hoping he hadn't said anything offensive to Creamstep. He wasn't the best with this kind of advice, or these types of situations all together. He was so used to it that he could never give these things any thought. Flightfall flicked his tail once, glancing around the den. Everything was there, minus the catmint, of course. Did this mean anything? Could Mintflower really have tried to warn them about her disappearance, had she predicted it?

[Creamstep <3]

"There might not be anything to it. Have StarClan showed you something, anything new at all?"

"No," Creamstep shook his head. "I feel like I'm not fit for the job, though. I never hear anything from them, never get any dreams. Mintflower left me and StarClan won't tell me where she went!"

A shudder went through his body as again his words rose to a crescendo. He sneezed abruptly; swatting whatever herbs had managed to get in his nose away, he ignored the now scattered piles of herbs. His pelt had green tints now, small specks of leaf from the medicines. Creamstep's muscles relaxed as he let himself drift back down, onto his stomach, staring down.

"All I've been having are nightmares about failure, about letting cats die," he muttered bitterly. He felt sick, nauseated, but he knew that herbs wouldn't help it, that it was much, much deeper. He sighed, digging his nose into the moss in front of him. "There's nothing I can do."

[ crappy. ]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

"Well, the half-moon is almost here, so you'll be speaking with StarClan soon," Flightfall pointed out, shooting the medicine cat a glance. The deputy was never that good at giving advice; it always came back to haunt him and stab him in the back in the end. Flightfall looked at the tom hopefully. Mintflower's disappearance was a tragedy, no matter how often cats disappeared. He knew that he couldn't solve it, but maybe Creamstep could? No other cat would've noticed the catmint, but then again no other cats would've been in the den unless wounded or ill. Still, Creamstep seemed like a good, level-headed cat.

"You're nervous, those nightmares are natural," Flightfall mewed. "I had them, too, when I first became deputy about two moons ago. They'll pass, you just need to believe that you're ready for this, and you are ready for this." Flightfall smiled reassuringly. "You had a great mentor to teach you all that you needed to know, you wouldn't be here right now if you weren't ready." He could understand the tom's pain, his fear. It had to be a scary prospect, suddenly becoming full medicine cat with no warning. Creamstep had a huge responsibility now, a huge weight now on his shoulders.

To be honest, Flightfall wasn't sure what to say next. He wanted to mew more comforting words, give a comforting gesture, but he wasn't sure how. Creamstep was upset, but Flightfall didn't know how to comfort him. Mousebrain! You're deputy, you need to help the Clan. How can you when you can't even comfort another cat?

[Creamstep <3]

"Well, the half-moon is almost here, so you'll be speaking with StarClan soon. You're nervous, those nightmares are natural. I had them, too, when I first became deputy about two moons ago. They'll pass, you just need to believe that you're ready for this, and you are ready for this. You had a great mentor to teach you all that you needed to know, you wouldn't be here right now if you weren't ready."

Creamstep sighed. "What if they don't speak to me then? Or ever? What if I'm not the right one to take her place, to solve the mystery of her disappearance?" Closing his eyes, he remembered the kind she-cat's face, her pretty eyes. "She was a great mentor. She was an even better medicine cat." The tom doubted that she had had a nightmare once in her life; unless it was such a dream that had taken her away from him. He had grown to love her like a sister, or a mother, and she had left him after he'd trained so hard, so deliberately. Perhaps it hadn't been by choice; she might have been captured while she was out searching for herbs. Creamstep softly turned his head around, to Flightfall. "Does this normally happen? As soon as the apprentice becomes a full medicine cat, the mentor disappears without a trace?"

He felt lost. Life was echoing around him, moving with a familiar beat. Why would she leave me like that? I never did anything to make her disappear, did I? I was almost her son, by love if not by blood . . . then I get my name and she's gone. He refused to settle for the solution that she was dead. Mintflower couldn't be dead. She just . . . wasn't.

[ crappy, again. my muse is effed up. D: ]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

(sorry took so long and for the crappy post, my muse for Flightfall has decreased a lot lately)

"Everything is going to work out," Flightfall mewed, eyes showing how he felt his words were the truth. "We all have faith in you. Mintflower's disappearance was a shock to everyone, in fact I'm still not over it. But ThunderClan needs you now Creamstep. We need you to be strong. I know it's a huge burden, your mentor disappearing, but if you don't believe that you're ready or right for this, then where will that leave us?" Flightfall shot Creamstep an encouraging smile. "If you weren't meant to be our medicine cat, or to solve what happened to Mintflower, surely StarClan would've given us a sign. You've gotta have faith in yourself and in StarClan."

Flightfall wasn't even sure he was being very comforting at all. He wasn't sure what to say. Creamstep needed help, but Flightfall wasn't sure he was the one to give it. Either way, all he could do now was give Creamstep a few words of encouragment. He knew that the new medicine cat would be fine, but Creamstep didn't seem to believe it himself.