See.My.Shame

[Spook]

The sun was slightly above the trees in that single time of day where it was neither sunset nor was it day. Not afternoon, but not twilight. The trees whispered softly as a gentle breeze played among their leaves. It tickled and danced among the green. The weather was warm for mid-spring, but there was just enough chill in the air to cause goosebumps everytime the wind blew.
Spook walked along the border of the Clan of Thunder, her sides bulging in the late days of her pregancy. She had planned to meet Pumafang today at the Snakerocks and was on her way there. She had to be extremely careful now because she wasn't as fast or as small as she had been a few moons past. Her orange pelt rippled as the breeze dropped from it's dance with the leaves to tease the Queen. Spook shuddered again, only this time not from the cold. Everytime someone called her a Queen or mentioned the word, she thought of her hateful past and her cold hearted mother, Gwendolyn, The White Queen. She tried to avoid the word and those closer to her knew not to use it, but since it was such a general term for a pregnant or nursing cat it never escaped her mind.
Reaching her destination, her heart ached for a few moments on not seeing Pumafang sitting there already waiting. She knew he might needed to do a last minute duty or something, but it still worried her. The last thing she wanted was for someone to find out about Pumafang breaking the warrior code. She had been a WindClanner once, she knew how important the code was to the Clannies. Sitting on a yellow/white rock, she let the sun seep deep into her pelt. She had always reveled in the sunset and it was no different now.
That was when she felt the pangs. Her pelt shuddered and her stomach rolled. No, not her stomach. Her womb. The first emotion she had was complete and total fear. There was no other word to describe the emotion that swept through her body. Fear that she would be found, fear that Puma would be found out, fear that the kits wouldn't survive, fear that if the kits survived they wouldn't like her, fear that she would be left alone as always after this was all through. Another pang ripped through her lower body and she fought back the urge to yowl.

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
but no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared.

Pumafang was in a hurry. No, not because his brother was following behind him, watching him with suspicious eyes. Because Spook was near. Her scent, undeniable and beautiful to him, had wafted into his nostrils not that far back. The large, well-muscled tom continued at his swift pace, trying to lose Rivercreek and reach Spook at the same time. He couldn't get near his mate with his brother hovering around him like a wasp, though, so he'd have to try and catch the tom's attention on something else. No matter what he'd tried previously had worked. The only thing he had left was to walk around until the long-legged tabby tom stalking behind him got bored.

He's not going to be getting bored, though, and I need to get to Spook now. Pumafang didn't know what it was, but the urgency to reach his love was great. He had that gut feeling, like something was wrong, like she was in pain. Just the thought of the beautiful femme being in pain was unbearable to him. He had to be there, to help her. Rivercreek practically already knew what was going on between Puma and Spook, he just needed evidence. And what would he honestly do if he figured it out? There was no way that Rivercreek would tell Brownstar. He wouldn't betray Pumafang that way. He knew that he needed to reach Spook now, though. If he was banished, he didn't care. Spook needed him, he knew it.

Nothing stopped Pumafang now as he raced toward Snakerocks, large paws pounding across the ground like a drum rhythm. He leapt over any obstacle in his way. Nothing would keep him from Spook any longer; he'd already wasted enough time. He didn't care about all the prey he was scaring off, or his brother behind him struggling to keep up. Spook was the only thing on his mind now. Yet the sight he saw at Snakerocks stopped him in his tracks. Spook lay on the ground, her face showing all the pain she felt. Pumafang felt a stab of agony and raced toward her, looking down at her with total fear in his eyes.

"Spook, what happened? Is it the kits?" He knew that he shouldn't be kidding himself. It was the kits. They were finally coming, after all this time. And Puma had no idea what to do. He could only hope that, maybe Rivercreek had caught up, and was going to get help now.

[Spook]

((Omg!!! I'm so sorry I couldn't post sooner!))

Spook stifled another yelp of pain as her womb moved deep within her. The kits were going to be born here. Now. It was utter amazement to her. Why here? Why now? She was in the middle of ThunderClan territory. There was no way she could keep this a secret.

Spook, what happened? Is it the kits?

Her eyes flashed up to where to voice has come from. For a second she couldn't see, her eyes hitting the sun directly as it dipped lower into the sky. At that exact moment, the silver cataracts on her eyes dissapeared completely, leaving only the shining turquoise that they once were. She blinked and turned her head, the silver coating coming back.
"Puma," she gasped. Immense relief flooded through her at the sight of her love. His cream colored pelt shone in the sunlight. She was on the point of tears.
She tried to sit up, but another spasm shot through her. She gritted her teeth and pressed herself to the rock. "There coming." She said senselessly, knowing he already knew.

((I find it amusing and ironic that Spook can see when it looks like she has cataracts and she can't see when she doesn't have the silver over the blue! =) Oh and sorry for the sucky post.))

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

((Gah sorry it took me so long, I've been trying to get some muse lately))

Puma's ice blue eyes were round with agony as he gazed down at Spook. He couldn't even imagine the pain that she was feeling, and it was all his fault. Pumafang hated this so much. Spook didn't deserve this pain. He would do anything if he could just take it all away. He wanted Spook to live her life free of any more pain caused by her past, yet here she was, at his paws with tears in her eyes, delivering his kits. Pumafang hated the feeling he felt, the utter helplessness as he gazed at his love. He barely heard her mew, saying that it was time for the kits to come. A thought had occured to him, making his eyes grow wide with a sudden fear. He realized now that Spook, and the kits, were in danger.

They were on ThunderClan territory.

If any cat found them, what would happen to Spook? To Pumafang? To the kits? Puma didn't care so much what happened to him, but what about the kits being born in front of him, or the love of his life? He would defend them. He'd fight off the whole Clan to let them escape if he had to. No one was ever going to harm his family. Determination settled across his gaze, and Pumafang looked back down at Spook. His eyes softened with sadness, but he tried so hard to push it away. He needed to think. Puma had been an apprentice when Rivercreek was born, so he remembered the day oh so clearly. Still, he didn't remember any of the herbs used.

The only thing he could do now was be a comfort to Spook. "I'm here, love, and I'll do whatever I can." Puma hoped desperately that Rivercreek had found help. "I love you," he murmured softly. He could only sit by and wait, for he was no medicine cat. Still, it hurt him that he couldn't know what to do to help ease his mate's pain.

((Blah, bad post! I sorry. Oh, should we have someone else post now, saying that Rivercreek came and got them for help? Or do you want to bring one of your charries in?))

[Spook]

((Personally I think we should get a few more people in this thread, or at least Brownie, because Spook has to get into TC to raise her kits there for the time being. We should have Rivercreek get someone though.))

Spook's eyes turned up to Pumafang. He was her current hold on sanity, the pain was so great. "I love you too," She managed to whisper, before curling up into a ball at her mate's feet. She wished she had asked one of her other loner friends the herbs to use, but she had fooled herself, thinking she would be ok. She heard one somewhere in her mind, Everyone experiences pain, kitten, you should know what to use. She had shrugged it of, thinking it couldn't be soon. Now she was rolled up in pain and cursing herself for her stupidity.
The sun touched her pelt turning it to fire. She felt something catch it her womb and she sat straight up. Her eyes widened, and though she was looking straight at Pumafang, her eyes were vacant and she looked straight forward.
"Something's wrong," She whispered.

Then she blacked out, collapsing onto the rock.

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Puma gazed down at Spook, curled at his feet, his ice blue orbs shining with fear. Spook was in pain, in agony, and he couldn't help her. He wished that he had been more prepared, asked the medicine cat what herbs were given to birthing queens. He should've been ready for this, been ready to give Spook whatever she needed. Yet now he had no idea what she needed, what would take away the pain. He absolutely hated himself for it. Pumafang would've done anything to take it all away, but here he was, just as helpless as a kit.

Spook's gaze, so distant yet looking right at him, caught his attention. Her whisper, soft and panicked, caused Pumafang to frantically reach forward to her, only a moment too late. Spook lay blacked out against the rock, completely unconscious. Pumafang couldn't breathe. No, StarClan, please. StarClan, NO! Pumafang let out a frightened cry, nudging Spook once in his terror. "Spook! Spook..." He didn't know what to say. Tears of his fear stung at his eyes, yet he blinked them away. "I'm sorry, Spook. You shouldn't be going through this," he murmured. His voice grew louder as he yowled "Help! Somebody, anyone out there, just hurry!"

---

Rivercreek could hear his brother's yowls, but he was nearly at camp already. He'd known all along what would happen, and he had known all along that it wouldn't end well. Spook was clearly in danger. Yet, she was also birthing Pumafang's kits, Rivercreek's neices and nephews. They were his kin, and Pumafang loved Spook. That was the only reason the long-legged tom found himself racing to camp, desperate to get them help before it was far too late.

((Should I PM Brownie and ask her to join?))

[xx the brownster]

[Sorry for lateness and shortness of future posts in this thread. x( Time is limited for me.]

BROWNSTAR

Brownie's timing had never been the best in her life. She had always arrived late to stuff- the war with the Night, gatherings, heck even her own ceremony she was late due to chasing down a fox in ThunderClan territory. She was a busy cat-- but most of her Clan expected her to be considering everything she was dealing with. The grief of losing so many cats she had adored consumed her often, but now as time progressed she had began to let go of the past and move on with her Clan. Brownstar had nine lives-- but the rest of her friends did not and she could hardly expect them to live forever-- even though she desperately wanted them to. Her Clan was moving into a direction, and she needed to be with them and support them. She had a new Deputy, a new medicine cat, and soon a new apprentice. Everything was different from when she first became leader all those moons ago.

All of a sudden she heard a noise-- not a usual noise-- a cry for help. "Hello!? Anyone out there?! she called back, picking up the pace in her step. She had often gone out walking to think, but she never imagined to see what she now saw in front of her. "Pumafang? What is this?" The leader bent down, her eyes sinking into the loner who was laying on the ground.

[/blockquote][/color]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

((So, so sorry it took so long! It wont happen again.))

Another voice, another scent, another presence was near. Pumafang raised his icy blue eyes, suddenly coming face-to-face with a cat he was relieved, yet terrified as well to see. Brownstar. His leader stood before him, demanding an answer to Spook being here, to her lying on the ground at Puma's feet. He watched, motionless, shocked, as Brownstar leaned toward the ground to stare at Spook. Puma knew that he needed to give an answer, but what was there to say? One thing was for certain: he couldn't lie anymore. They had been found out. Now Spook was in even more danger, and Pumafang's stature suddenly became threatening. The cream-colored tom stood tall, ice blue eyes looking once at Spook before turning back to Brownstar.

"Brownstar," he began, voice coming out strong, stronger then he had thought it would. "Spook... she's having kits. My kits. But... something's gone wrong, and I don't know what to do!" His eyes lost their angry demeaner, and suddenly became desperate. "I don't care what you do to me, just please, please help her. I don't know what to do, she just passed out, and I don't know why."

Desperation was a part of Pumafang's stance. It shimmered in the depths of his eyes. At this point, he'd do anything to help Spook. Surprisingly enough, he no longer feared any type of punishment Brownstar would do to him. He only cared for Spook, and their kits. He could only hope that Brownstar would help them.

((Blah, my posting is crappy today.))

[Spook]

((Sorry it's taken me forever to post back. My life has been a mess recently))

Whispers drifted across the darkness that currently filled the small cat's mind. It was so peaceful there, the femme wondered why she would ever bother to leave. There was nothing there. No betrayal or heartbreak. No pain, physical or mental. The only thing that managed to pass through the abscence of anything were the lilting voices. They brushed across her mind so softly she wondered if she had heard them at all. She shrugged them off and reveled in her silence.
Spook...
The cat tilted her head to one side. Who was Spook? She was... Why were the voices talking about her?
Help!
Spook shuddered slightly. Why were they crying for help? There was nothing wrong. There was nothing at all.
My kits.
Spook's heart overfilled. Love, joy, happiness, expectation. Why would she want to leave those things behind? True, she had been broken, hurt, betrayed, and beaten, but life were about the moments that you were happy. And she had been happy. No. She had to get out of the darkness. She needed to be there for her kits and the voice if nothing else. That voice was what helped her hold on to reality.
Pumafang
Pumafang

---
Spook's body convulsed and her eyes flickered open. Two looming figures stood over her casting shadows over the tiny orange cat. Waves of distress from Pumafang hit her like a raging bull ad she groaned as the pain in her lower half resumed. She cast a quick nervous glance at the other cat and immediatley recognized her. Spook had been a clan cat after all, and even if she hadn't been, she would've recognized Brownstar anywhere.
But quickly her eyes were drawn back to Pumafang.
"Puma? Are you alright?" she whispered, not able to raise her voice any higher.

((It's a bad post, I know, but I've had no muse. Please don't kill me. xD))

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Puma's eyes moved from Brownstar immediately at the sight of Spook's body convulsing. He focused on the small ginger fae, his mate, the one cat on this Earth that he cherished more then anything. She was awake again. The kits would be coming soon. His heart soared, but Spook was still in pain, still suffering. They hadn't made it over the barrier yet. Her voice drifted into his ears, and to him it was as if he'd been deaf for ages, and her voice was the first, and most beautiful thing he'd heard. Puma breathed a sigh of relief. Spook's voice, though soft and clearly weakened, was a good sign.

"I'm alright, love," he replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "It's going to be okay. I love you." He licked Spook's head reassuringly. Oh, how he hated not knowing what to do! It was like torture to the large cream tom. He'd always been the strong one, the one who knew how to handle situations and kept a level-head. Now he was terrified. Not about Brownstar, now knowing the whole truth. He was terrified because he couldn't help Spook. He didn't know what to do. Were there herbs he could give her to help with the pain? Or were they just supposed to wait? Puma cast Brownstar one last pleading glance, hoping that despite the circumstances she would help.

[Spook]

((Sorry it took so long, but I'm going to do a time skip in this because this thread is taking forever. xP ))

With a final yowl of pain, Spook collapsed exausted on the rock. Her breathing ragged, the dark orange cat looked down at the three kits suckling.
The first kit was large, considering the size of the mother, and his pelt was a dark cream color. In the fuzz that covered the minutes old kitten, she saw an underlayer of grey spots. She smiled weakly. The kit would grow up to bear an uncanny resemblance to his father. In the dying sun, his fur looked like the sap that dripped from the strong decidous trees that littered the ThunderClan forest. Her mind sparked at the idea. That was to be his name,Maple. This kit would be strong, the backbone of the litter. He would be their protector just as the Maple tree is to the smaller trees of the forest.
The second kit was so dark, the light didn't even cause some other color to reflect off of him. Everything about the kit was black, from his short fur to his little nose. He was smaller than his brother, but not by much, and his form was sturdy. Yet, through all of the other little details, she couldn't turn her thoughts away from the complete darkness of him. The sun did nothing. His pelt eclipsed the light completley. Eclipsed... yes, that would be the black kit's name.
The third kit, the last born, made her heart stop. She was so small and so quiet. Her brothers mewled at eachother, "fighting" over the closest teat, but she stayed deathly quiet and smartly moved to another. But it wasn't that that made her tired eyes widen. The tiny femme's pelt was fluffy and white. It was the polar opposite of her brother's. Her pelt was as white as his was black. Spook barely supressed a sob as she thought, The picture of my mother and sister. This can't be happening... She is a Memory. Memory...
Three kits. Three souls that came from a forbidden union. In her pain, she had forgotten completely about Brownstar, but now she remembered and even though she was exausted, she shuddered. What would happen to her? To Puma? To their kits? She couldn't think at all. She was so tired...
"Maple, Eclipsed, and Memory," She whispered quietly, her vision blurring as sleep threatened to wash over her. "Maple, Eclipsed, and Memory. A broken memory..." She repeated again, her eyes fluttering closed. She barely had time to finish saying memory as she fell into a peaceful blackness.

((Ok! Now it'll be easier to progress from there!))

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

It felt like moons before Spook's final yowl had been uttered. Every second of her pain had been torture for Pumafang, for his love didn't deserve to go through all of that pain. His ice blue eyes were wide with fright, his pelt fluffed out as he let out a ragged sigh of relief. Pumafang allowed his gaze to wander to Spook's belly, where three beautiful little kits lay. He gaped in shock, taking all of them in, and suddenly feeling a burst of warmth in his chest. Those were his kits, his and Spook's. They were perfect.

The eldest looked so similar to him that Pumafang felt a trickle of pride. The kit was surprisingly large, just like Puma had been as a kitten as well. He purred softly, his eyes moving over to the next kit, another tom with a midnight black pelt. The little tomkit was just a bit smaller then his brother, right in the middle. Finally Puma's eyes moved to his beautiful young daughter with a pelt as white as snow. As Puma looked into Spook's eyes, he realized exactly what was wrong. This kit was exactly like the WhiteCats that treated her so poorly. Pumafang could only imagine the haunting memories the little femme was bringing his mate.

Three whispered names entered Pumafang's ears. "Maple, Eclipsed, Memory..." His eyes moved across each kit in turn. At that moment, nothing else mattered. Brownstar's punishment didn't frighten him. Everything that he cared about now was right in front of him: his beautiful mate, Spook, and their three perfect kits. He licked Spook a few times as she fell into her peaceful sleep, knowing how much she'd need her rest. His kits' mewling reached his ears, mainly coming from Maple and Eclipsed, and he brought himself back to reality. Pumafang looked up at Brownstar, his eyes questioning, but daring, as if telling her that he didn't care what she did to him. He had all that mattered now.