Big Steps. Little Paws.

[xx the brownster]

[open for one person please.]

signed Trixterpaw
love can destroy

The only thing that could seem to truly describe the young cat was hopeless expression. As he tried and tried to find something good, something tasty, all he found was more and more 'dead ends.' The prey had become scarce in this part of the forest, just the young tom's luck really. Maybe it was his karma acting up. Maybe Trixterpaw had upset StarClan. The very thoughts shook from his head as he vainly stared upwards to wards the sky, mocking the idea that StarClan could even think of punishing such a loyal, intelligent apprentice such as himself.

A few trees rustled with the last of their leaves hanging onto their forbidden branches, holding on for dear life so the wind would not make them fall, thus making them lose their last chance of survival. A few bushes near by rustled as well, holding onto their leaves to keep them warm. It was a cool, harsh wind that was now blowing over the forest, surrounding all the camps. Soon the prey would become more scarce as the river froze and the prey slipped into their own, tiny holes for hibernation.

The beautiful, orange and pink sun began to set in the distance, as Trixterpaw gave it one, tiny glance before he shuttered and turned away from the bright, captivating light. Not to much longer, he told himself as he thrust himself into another hunting situation, still searching for what little prey he could bring back to the camp to impress Brownstar and Cinderwing.

[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

[shadow=green,left,200]ЄvΈŗΜΐŜŧ[/color][/shadow]

ThunderClan Warrior[/color]

.i'm not afraid of anything.
.i just need to know that i can breathe.
.i don't need much of anything.
.but suddenly, suddenly.

Gasps escaped dried, cracked lips. Air rattled in her lungs as she tried to get the precious, life preserving air into her dying body. Evermist had once been a cheerful and jubilant warrior. But now she had scarcely enough energy to get out of camp. Mintflower had her locked inside the medicine cats' den while Paddingsoul fretted about her constantly. She didn't mind that, though. Evermist would die over and over again every day if Paddingsoul was at her side. Yet the thought of his grief saddened her and the beautiful havanna she-cat stopped.
Once upon a time she was beautiful, but now she was just a ruin of what she used to be. Her silky brown fur lay in clumps on her shoulders, neck, and back. The she-cat's emerald green eyes have lost their luster that made them captivate any cat. Pus and blood caked her fur and most of her body. But she still obtained her personality. And that is what brought her out of the camp. She had finally found the chance to escape Mintflower's den and had painfully climbed the ravine. Every step brought pain to her, but joy came with every step. It was better being out here than in the den. Much better.
Though her senses had dulled with the disease, Evermist picked up the scent of Trixterpaw. Nose to the ground, she followed the scent trail until she came upon him.

.i am small and the world is big.
.all around me is fast moving.
.surrounded by so many things.
.but suddenly, suddenly.


{{Lyrics from How Does it Feel by Avril Lavigne}}

[Blah! I'm museless right now...][/size]

[xx the brownster]

signed Trixterpaw
what an interesting thought




For a moment the apprentice could only stare at the warrior, unable to have words spring from his dry lips. He had not intended to have someone else find him, or intend to have someone else to talk to. Although he enjoyed being the center of attention, there was a moment when he wanted to be alone to reflect on his life: these being one of those moments. However, Evermist being a warrior, there was no way he could simply tell he to leave-- or be disrespectful without knowing Brownstar would hear of it.

"Hello Evermist," he said lowly, trying not to let his green orbs make contact with her own pair.

The wind blew peacefully, as the sun was now lower than it had been for the previous five minutes. Trixterpaw had no prey to show for himself, partly because he was not out for prey, but for what he could call 'soul searching' although he would never admit that to anyone-- it would ruin what he considered to be his "cool" image, one he thought he had with the other apprentices, and most likely did. He was Mr. Cool, Mr. Neat... but for some odd reason, today of all days, he had a heart-- something he had always tried to hide.

The brown cat shook all though of his 'softness' and turned back to wards Evermist, who was probably wondering what the awkward vibes were for. Why shouldn't she wonder? He was the life and soul of the party in the camp, making wise cracks about the past and being the typical prankster to the elders. And yet, in his abyss, alone, he oddly changed into a whole different cat, one he had always tried to hide.

[~All I Need]

[shadow=green,left,200]ЄvΈŗΜΐŜŧ

[/color][/shadow]

ThunderClan Warrior[/color][/center]

.i'm not afraid of anything.
.i just need to know that i can breathe.
.i don't need much of anything.
.but suddenly, suddenly.

The ruined she-cat could tell that Trixterpaw didn't want her around and she tilted her head, with her ears tall and alert and her emerald orbs sad. Nobody wanted her around anymore. They were all afraid of contracting her disease. Who wouldn't? Paddingsoul, Mintflower... and Severedclaw were the only ones who seemed to care and didn't appear to mind the fact that they, too, could become ailed with the sickness.
After licking her lips and pondering for a moment, she spoke. "You don't want me here? Do you, Trixterpaw?" she sighed.
Of course he wouldn't. Why did she even bother coming up here. She was dying. Evermist should have stayed down in the camp. Paddingsoul was probably out of his mind wondering where she was and it was wrong to take advantage of Mintflower's absence. After all, she was at a medicine cat meeting. Who knew what was happening?! The sickened she-cat was probably adding more worries onto those that mattered most to her. That was sickening.
"I'll just head back to camp, anyways..." she mewed.
The brown warrior turned in the direction of the sun--which, might I say, was setting over the camp. Creating a wonderous sight to behold!--and started on back. But pain lanced in her paws and sore muscles and Evermist found it quite hard to move.
She swore and sat down. "Curse this..."

.i am small and the world is big.
.all around me is fast moving.
.surrounded by so many things.
.but suddenly, suddenly.


{{Lyrics from How Does it Feel by Avril Lavigne}}[/size]

[xx the brownster]

signed Trixterpaw
i want you to want me

There was nothing Trixterpaw could say or do to make what he was feeling right-- although he wanted her to leave, he could hardly push the cat out and demand his own space. Well, he could, but how heartless could a fellow be? No, he would do the honorable thing that his mother would require of him-- he could lower his high self-esteem and pride to reach out to a fellow cat who was longing and suffering, especially one dying from sickness like his mother. Maybe that was why Trixterpaw felt so restrained from Evermist; the fact she was sick, and his dear mother had died so recently, made his stomach all the more weaker.

He could still spell her scent in his nose. Her thoughts were with his. She was the one cat the gray tabby would never forget. She had molded him, made him who he was-- almost. His rotten personality and high expectations of nothingness were from his father, not his mother. His father, although ThunderClan warrior, was nothing to be proud of. His ambition was to reach leader, and when he did not, he left to join the rogues, believing he was better than everyone else-- much like his son now.

He looked down, almost ashamed, but not completely. He was by himself; it was just him. Trixter had to look out for himself, just like every other cat in the dark green forest. His act of showing weakness would make everyone underestimate him. That could never happen.

"What's wrong?" he asked simply, not really knowing what to say. His sympathy had been cut short ever since her mother's death and father's departure.

[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

ThunderClan Warrior

.i'm not afraid of anything.
.i just need to know that i can breathe.
.i don't need much of anything.
.but suddenly, suddenly.

Why do I bother? she thought sadly. I'm dying... It comes eventually. Maybe it's better now than then? Severdclaw... What separated us? Was it because of our family? They died. And you tried to, also. But I held you back. Maybe it's my karma coming back to me... Maybe I deserve to rot and burn--
"What's wrong?"

[/color]
The once beautiful she-cat turned and fixed a glaring eye on the apprentice. How dare he ask her what was wrong! She was dying. Dying. And all he could do was sit there and ask her what was wrong when the evidence was right there! Evermist used to be a sweet-tempered cat, but now she was over the edge.
"'What's wrong?' What's wrong?! Look at me! Really look at me. I'm dying, Trixterpaw! And it's not pleasant, either. Every day now I wake up to pain and sickness. I don't like being useless. I don't like it that whoever gets near me is scared of me! I wish I could just get better... I want to live a nice and full life alongside Paddingsoul... AND NOW I HAVE HARDLY ANY TIME LEFT TO ENJOY LOVE!"[/center]

.i am small and the world is big.
.all around me is fast moving.
.surrounded by so many things.
.but suddenly, suddenly.[/b]


{{Lyrics from How Does it Feel by Avril Lavigne}}[/size][/color]


[Blah! Museless...]

[xx the brownster]

signed Trixterpaw
Our name is our virtue

Trixterpaw, slightly shocked and a tiny bit horrified, only looked at he with a plain, dumb, empty face-- not letting his emotions cloud his brain with their nasty thoughts and reminders. He never wanted to let his emotions control him again. He didn't want to pity other cats for their loss, no mater how large. His very own pain clouded his judgment, making everything very difficult for him. He never could control them, and now that he had developed this sought after powers of control, he never stopped.

The disease the cat in front of his was carrying was not an issue for him really. He had little idea, in fact that it was so serious. Trixterpaw found himself constantly trying to avoid any sick cat or avoid getting to know them, due to the fact that losing them is too much pain; pain that you can avoid if you just avoid them. His cold, selfish heart had told him this, and of course, he listened without a single thought otherwise.

"Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was to be all in your business," he rudely sniped back. "You just caught me off guard for a moment." He was slightly annoyed with the fact that Evermist had started to yell at him. All the gray cat wanted was a little peace; peace to think about his very own problems in life. If she wanted to talk to him, all she had to do was ask.

Trixterpaw was very defensive in nature, more so since he lost his parents. His whole idea of life was based on how much success he was going to find before his death. Who he hurt, or whether he was happy with someone was not relevant at this time, but of course no one knew that. Trixterpaw had forever tried to hide all intentions. He tried to hide his pain by be a flashy show off. He tried to hide it all.

[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

ThunderClan Warrior[/size]

.why do you look so familiar.
.i could swear that i.
.have seen your face before.
.i think i like that you seem sincere.
.i think i'd like to get.
.to know you a little bit more.
.i think there's something more.[/b][/size]

How many times had Evermist pondered over the possibilities? How many paths she and Severedclaw didn't walk. What else could they have done besides coming here? They could have become kittypets. Or they could've lived the peaceful lives as rogues. Even the idea of separating ways from her brother had been in the back of the brown and white she-cat back then. But no! They became part of ThunderClan! Why? How many times had Evermist asked herself that? Did Severedclaw join ThunderClan, too, because of his love for his sister? How much hurt had she put upon her brother? When he was the only one she had before Paddingsoul. Ever since Paddingsoul, her heart had swelled to contain more love and embrace it.
"Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was to be all in your business... You just caught me off guard for a moment."
Evermist looked away from Trixterpaw for a moment and looked at the sunset. Why was Trixterpaw so heartless? Was he really? Or was it just a facade to keep pain from creeping in? Severedclaw used to be like that. But ever since Blackpaw and Ivypaw came into his life, Evermist actually smile for the first time since their family was killed. A joyful tear sparkled in the corner of the cat's eye, but after she blinked... It was gone. Maybe she shouldn't be so sad. She should be living like today was her last day. Why was she bickering with Trixterpaw? Why was she being bitter? She should be trying to pry the tom's shell away! Not making him retreat further into himself.
"I'm sorry,"

[/b] she sighed. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that.... Can I ask you something?"[/color] she mused. Maybe I can see why he's so upset, she thought in the back of her head.[/center]

.life's worth living for.
.who knows what could happen.
.do what you do.
.just keep on laughing.
.one thing's true.
.there's always a brand new day.
.i'm gonna live today like it's my last day.[/color]


{{Lyrics from Who Knows by Avril Lavigne}}[/size]

[xx the brownster]

signed Trixterpaw
It is a tangled web we weave




Trixterpaw could only glance at Evermist before turning around, at first ignoring her question. She may want to share all her deepest secrets with me, he thought sarcastically, but I'm not an open book.. not anymore. His fur flipped up for a moment, standing on end as a large wind blew through the forest, making the trees move. His feet were beginning to hurt considering he had been standing on the same branch for some time, too wrapped up in his own self pity and to busy prying into someone else's life.

Trixterpaw had a habit or prying into other people's lives and then pushing them, trying to rise himself up, trying to give himself a small lift. It was heartless, but Trixterpaw always considered it to be a harsh cruel world. His past influenced his future. It always would affect Trixterpaw. His deep passionate love for his parents left him rather void, considering they were gone. His family was gone, and unless he had a secret bother or sister hiding somewhere, they would always be gone, and he would always be null and void.

Love wasn't really his thing. Although he liked to mess with she-cats, he never really considered falling in love. It could be he was too young to think about it, but mostly-- he was just scared. Was it wrong to be scared? He had every right to hide behind his own fears... didn't he? It was a thought he wrestled with every day and night.

"Yes... what question can I answer?"

[~All I Need]

ThunderClan Warrior[/size]

.why do you look so familiar.
.i could swear that i.
.have seen your face before.
.i think i like that you seem sincere.
.i think i'd like to get.
.to know you a little bit more.
.i think there's something more.[/b][/size]

The she-cat then saw her own reflection. Before, she only saw a cold apprenitce. Now, she saw herself, hidden under a shroud of pain. Trixterpaw must have been like her at one time in eternity, he must have felt joy and love and beauty before. What had changed him? Was it much like what happened to Severedclaw? Except that it was malevolent instead of benevolent? Evermist didn't know, but all of a sudden, she wanted to.
"Yes... what question can I answer?"
The pretty brown she-cat narrowed her light green eyes and stared into Trixterpaw's. "What happened?" she asked quietly. Hoping that the young tom would understand the meaning to her question. She didn't want to hurt him furthermore, but you had to start somewhere with a question that opened more wounds.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

.life's worth living for.
.who knows what could happen.
.do what you do.
.just keep on laughing.
.one thing's true.
.there's always a brand new day.
.i'm gonna live today like it's my last day.[/color][/size]


{{Lyrics from Who Knows by Avril Lavigne}}[/i]

[xx the brownster]

TRIXTERPAW

Trixterpaw only looked at her, for a sad brief moment, reflecting his entire life before him. So much had happened since his birth. He had gone through a lot, but he came out okay. He took care of himself... no one else did. Everything happened, he said dryly, still staring at her no longer cold eyes, but sad ones. He had not actually ever talked to anyone about his past. Brownstar knew about it... but then again, she was Leader and his mother was her warrior and a loyal warrior at that.

"Well, my father and mother were ThunderClan, but my father was not too interested in Clan life and left after we were born, taking my sister with him who did not like Clan life either... I stayed here with my mother and took care of her. My father wasn't a bad cat, oddly, just didn't like Clan life anymore and wanted freedom. He lives in a barn not too far from here with my sister. I had to stay with my mom, you know... we were close... I guess." It was hard for him to spit the words out, but he managed to, as hard as it was. "And there you go. I'm here." He no longer wanted to talk about, and abruptly stopped himself, realize he was saying too much to a cat he had never really talked to.

A little bit of anger stirred inside him, not at the cat staring at him, but at himself for being too ashamed to ever talk about it. He was angry with his mom for dying and for leaving after everything he did to try and stay in ThunderClan with her. He loved his Clan... he was born in the Clan. ThunderClan was his home, and always would be no matter the price. That was his motto.

[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

{{ WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN }}
{{ DO WHAT YOU DO JUST KEEP ON LAUGHING }}

Something in Evermist made her want to reach out to Trixterpaw, made her want to figure out what to do to heal him. Maybe some maternal part of her soul had been activated, being thrown into gear and trying to heal all of the corruption before her life was all of a sudden gone. No one knew when they were going to die, they had to live every moment they had in bliss and laugh. She had to do that. Trixter had to do just that.
"Well, my father and mother were ThunderClan, but my father was not too interested in Clan life and left after we were born, taking my sister with him who did not like Clan life either... I stayed here with my mother and took care of her. My father wasn't a bad cat, oddly, just didn't like Clan life anymore and wanted freedom. He lives in a barn not too far from here with my sister. I had to stay with my mom, you know... we were close... I guess. And there you go. I'm here."

[/color]
When he turned to her with that sad, mourning look in his eyes, Evermist's heart just wrenched. Her ribs hurt from just containing a heart so pained and swollen from all of the agony inside. Evermist's expressive, green eyes reflected that of Trixterpaw's: pain. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Trixterpaw,"[/color] the pretty light brown she-cat mewed solemnly. "But you know what? I think my brother--and I'm not trying to make you feel egocentric--I think my brother has had it worse. We both lost our family and our Tribe. He lost his leg and felt useless. Severedclaw has been wandering around for what's seemed like forever looking for his purpose and feeling like he doesn't belong. He left ThunderClan, but then came back because he realized that he had a purpose. And that purpose was here in ThunderClan. And now he can live the rest of his life with a full heart and with someone by his side. Someone he can always turn to... Because I failed him... He has Ivypaw, and I failed my one and only brother..."[/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[xx the brownster]

TRIXTERPAW

Trixterpaw only stared at her for a moment, letting an angry, awkward silence settle in between the two cats. As if he really cared about her brother... I mean, she had asked the question. It was HER fault they were talking on the subject, but no, she decided to belittle him, as usual. All cats tried to do that to him... thats why he was one of the most unpleasant cats to be around during a serious conversation. And here this warrior went, thinking she could do what everyone else wanted to do before he frightened them all off. Apparently this she-cat missed the memo.

"Do I look interested in your brother?" he snapped back angrily, annoyed that she was trying to make her life seem so horrible and belittle his pain. "You asked me the stupid question, so I answered it, and all I get back in crap... as usual. You warriors are all the same! You think you can do anything and it doesn't matter... well it does! You might be a warrior, but I'll be just as good as you one day, if not better and no one will be belittling me." His mind had no wondered off, and the apprentice was just screaming for no reason. His anger was showing and the fur on his back was standing on edge, his muscles ready to pounce at the first moving thing.

"Boo-hoo if you lost your family... does it look like I have any family!? NO! Thats why I have a Clan. I suggest you cheer up and stop complaining about it." His anger, although calming down, was still present in the area.

[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

{{ WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN }}
{{ DO WHAT YOU DO JUST KEEP ON LAUGHING }}

"Do I look interested in your brother? You asked me the stupid question, so I answered it, and all I get back in crap... as usual. You warriors are all the same! You think you can do anything and it doesn't matter... well it does! You might be a warrior, but I'll be just as good as you one day, if not better and no one will be belittling me. Boo-hoo if you lost your family... does it look like I have any family!? NO! Thats why I have a Clan. I suggest you cheer up and stop complaining about it."
A mask of shock and total hurt crossed the she-cat's scarred face. Her whole body locked up, even her lungs, making it appear as if she turned to stone. Everything from the past pushed up in her mind, curious as to why she was thinking about them. So lost and forgotten. She remembered what it used to be like, to have a family and live pleasantly and go to bed feeling content. But that was so long ago.. Evermist might be happy here, but she had never felt truly happy. Much like Severedclaw. After they lost everything, they only had each other. Now even then they both would be alone, once she died...
The she-cat shuddered in her mind. What would happen to her once she left...permanently? She had never believed in StarClan, so did that mean she would just float around in a void for eternity? Or maybe it would be like she just never existed. Poof! There and gone in one moment. Maybe this life didn't really mean anything. Maybe everything--even her and Trixterpaw and Severedclaw and everyone else--were a figment of fate's cruel imagination. Did Fate even exist? Was it even a being of any kind, supreme of normal?
So many different, rude comebacks reared up in Evermist's mind. But she was so shocked and hurt that she couldn't move her mouth. Only her paws would listen. So she turned around and left without a word, her heart leaking onto the ground.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[xx the brownster]

TRIXTERPAW

Trixterpaw only looked at the cat, not feeling any remorse of pity to the she-cat. She had pinched a nerve, one she had forgotten to apologize for. She had been the one to ask the question, and when he answered it, all she did was bash him and try to make it a contest of whose life was harder than the other's. Why should he pity her? She was a poor excuse for a a cat, walking around and pitying herself. Why didn't she just pick her heavy heart off the ground and start over like he did? This cat had frustrated him from the beginning. Her nosy mind and selfless "I'm better than you" feeling he had received only made him angrier and angrier. Trixterpaw did not like to be pinched and looked down on by anyone, especially not a pity warrior.

So why did she bother him so much? Why did he all of a sudden care what she thought? Why did the look on her face pinch his soul and want to make him scream? He hadn't care about anyone. No one was important to him after his mother's death. he had no clue why all of a sudden his heart went from stone to some something soft... at least softer than stone. Was it her look? Her air.... the fact they went through similar stories of losing people they loved? He didn't know... in fact, right now, he didn't really know anything at all, except he was... sorry. Yes, the great and proud Trixterpaw was finally feeling... sorry.

Before he even thought, he ran after the young she-cat, his paws moving faster than they had ever before. He jumped in front, and before he knew it spluttered out the very words he never, ever thought he would ever utter, "I... I..I guess... I'm so--sorry," he squeaked, not really understanding his own words, and now quite sure if he meant it at first.

[~All I Need]

{{ WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN }}
{{ DO WHAT YOU DO JUST KEEP ON LAUGHING }}

"I'm better than you."

[/color]
The once pretty she-cat stopped and looked back, her eyes saying 'I know'[/color] and continued to walk. Those words kept repeating themselves in her mind, tearing at the fabric of her soul and the real her. The one that is always hidden until someone dared to take a taste of free fall and discover something they never thought existed. It had always been like the for Severedclaw. No one knew the real--the true, sweet part of him--until they tore away the shell. As she thought this, Evermist realized that she had never tried that. To find the real one in everyone. Even with her brother...
With a whimper of sadness, tears started leaking out of her light green eyes. Wiping them away, she was astonished to see Trixterpaw standing in front of her.
"I... I..I guess... I'm so--sorry!"[/color]
The she-cat was quite stunned. This arrogant tom had just insulted time and time again, and now he was opening more wounds. Was this some kind of trick? An even more powerful insult than the last? Evermist glared mildly at the tom, daring him to say something else to back up his word. Only then would she forgive him and apologize. But what for? she thought. Yet there was no answer in her mind.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]