breaking.the.habit [closed]

[~All I Need]

{{ SEVERED FROM THE WORLD

[/size] }}
{{ AND FLOATING IN AN ABYSS[/size] }}

One drop of rain came down from the heavens, caught up in the eternal struggle of time versus gracity and glimmering like a diamond from the bowels of the earth. It hit the topmost leaf of an ancient oak, trickling to the tip and cascading down to land in front of a dark gray paw, drawing odd incantations in the soil. Sapphire eyes blinked slowly once, then twice, contemplating the reason behind the slowly starting rain. He found no reason. After a second of breathing slowly and basking in the fading watery sunlight, the tom got up and limped towards a destination he didn't know of. Precipitation came down faster and faster, creating a crescendo of drum beats that were on the offbeat. The faded sapphires blinked again, except this time to a memory.
He was back in the cavern, reading visions in the water and the rocks and the stones. An old tom-cat stared at him from across the pool, taking in every emotion that flickered across his face or lit up his eyes. The only sound was the quiet drip of water and the heartbeats of the to cats. Yellow eyes connected with blue and the ominous silence was broken.
"I see something I didn't expect..." the blue-eyed one started. He licked his lips, tasting the words he was going to say before he spoke. "Our ancestors showed me blood..."

[/color]
"Yes, Creature?"[/color]
"And darkness and death and misery..."[/color]
The tom was momentarily broken out of the memory as he tripped on a rock. Pain went up his left leg as he landed awkwardly on it. In an effort to get up, he tried his best to get off from his back. But ever since he lost his left leg, ever since it was severed, he hadn't been able to be very mobile.
Not ever since he became Severedclaw.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

{{ ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE[/size] }}
{{ WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEATH[/size] }}[/center]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

The forest was so different, yet so the same.

Cinder blinked her pale blue eyes, shaking her smokey gray fur to free it of the raindrops falling down. She'd never liked the rain, and whenever it rained near the loner terra she would hide in the Spook Barn. Now, however, she was beneath the trees of ThunderClan's forest. Her old home. It was so strange, walking under the cover of the treetops, feeling the undergrowth under her paws. ThunderClan scent came at her from all sides, and for a moment she tried to pick out any distinct scents. It wasn't easy, thanks to the now steady downpour of rain. Cinder mewled with a sudden amount of discomfort, and she found herself racing beneath the trees, searching desperately for any type of shelter.

Her paws carried her to the shelter of a large oak tree. She huddled beneath it, ignoring the shaking of her paws. "I guess I should appreciate this. No one will be able to find my scent at least..." She hated how she was like an outcast in her old home. Pieces of her heart still belonged to the forest, and most likely they always would. She was born in the forest, her parents were buried in the forest. Cinder sighed, closing her eyes and listening to the soothing sound of the falling rain. A scent flooded into her nostrils, fresh and ThunderClan. Cinder quickly shot back to her paws, preparing to flee, when a sudden familiarity stopped her. It wasn't easy for her to pick up distinct Clancat scents anymore, yet this one she remembered. Severedclaw.

The tom had almost joined Cinder with the loners. In fact, he came for a short amount of time, but then left. Cinder had been a little hurt, but she knew that the only reason was that it had felt nice to have someone she knew from ThunderClan with her out there. Apparently the Clan had taken the warrior back. Cinder found herself eager to talk to the tom, to figure out what was going on in her old home. Still, she was afraid. Who was to say that there wasn't a patrol out there, waiting to chase her off. Yet she knew that she couldn't leave without a little information. It had never been easy for her to leave ThunderClan.

Timidly, the gray femme mewed, "Severedclaw? Is that you?"

[~All I Need]

{{ S E V E R E D C L A W }}
{{ ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE }}
{{ WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEATH }}

Rain was coming down harder now, splattering the face of the earth. Mud was starting to form out of dirt, covering the seal-point's beautiful pelt. He spat, trying to get grit out of his mouth. Unfortunately, he was still stuck in the awkward position of immobilization and having the side of his face pressed to the ground. Frantically, senses taking over, his back feet wheeled while he tried his best to push up with just his one leg. Unyielding.
"Severedclaw? Is that you?"
All of the muscles in his body locked, preparing to act dead or attack if the cat that just spoke was an enemy. But because of the rain and the pattering of water against leaf and tree and ground, Severedclaw couldn't tell who it was that just questioned his identity. But because of the melodic, feminine pitch to it, he guessed it was either Blackpaw or Evermist. Yet when the scent of ashes and cinder and loner alarmed his scent receptors, there was no doubt that it was Cinderwing--Cinder.
First he felt joy, then fear, then full out embarassment and mortification. Great, talk about being a stick in the mud. And there was no sarcasm to that little thought. Without saying a word, he finally righted himself and shook mud off, sending it every which way. The tom hoped that he wasn't getting it on the gray she-cat. But right now, he wasn't Severedclaw, he was just someone other than the three-legged I-can't-help-myself-even-if-I-fall-down Severedclaw. But hearing the she-cat's voice made him turn, setting his faded sapphire eyes on her. After he had returned to ThunderClan, worry and sadness tugged at his heart when he thought of the smokey she-cat. They had traveled together for a while and he was able to call himself her friend. But after that, he had heard of hair nor hide of the one he used to call his friend. His companion in a way...
"Hello, Cinder,"

[/color] he mewed sheepishly, a small smile faintly on the edges of his lips. "It's good to see you again."[/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

It was so good to hear a familiar voice, to see a familiar face. Cinder had to restrain herself from letting out a million questions. How was ThunderClan? Had anything changed since she left? How many new kits had been born, apprentices made warriors? The smokey she-cat kept her cool, though, and only returned Severedclaw's smile. After traveling with the tom for so long, Cinder had started to think of him as a close friend. After she left, she'd felt abandonded and suddenly alone. Having another ThunderClan cat out there had made her feel less insecure. Still, she had her close friend Meer, but she still didn't have many friends in the Loner Terras. Cinder often found herself wandering alone, talking to others only when needed. Yet she remained a part of BloodLust, though she definitely was not their most valuable member.

"It's good to see you too, Severedclaw," Cinder mewed lightly. "How is ThunderClan? Is everyone well?" She didn't think that Severeclaw wouldn't trust her enough to give her this information. After all, they traveled and stayed together in the loner terra. If he didn't trust her, it would hurt, but the more she thought about it the more she realized that she'd understand. The femme looked at her paws sheepishly.

(museless, sorry)

[~All I Need]

{{ ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE }}
{{ WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEATH }}

Though she acted the same way, talked the same way... This wasn't Cinderwing anymore. That cat he knew so well had just drifted away into oblivion, joining the ever expanding sense of time and forget and forgiveness. Some part of the gray and white siamese let him know that this was a Bloodlust cat. Not the shy, mild-tempered she-cat he came to know and care about. Though thoughts never went past that, Severedclaw sometimes wondered as he traveled with her if he and Cinder would become something more than friends. But all of that stopped at thoughts, nothing more. No actions taken, no thoughts voiced. Some things--possibly too many--were left unsaid between the two. But maybe that could be fixed?
"It's good to see you too, Severedclaw. How is ThunderClan? Is everyone well?"

[/color]
At these words, the handicapped tom mirrored Cinder's moves and looked down at his paws. Though the warrior code bound him to silence and being loyal to his Clan, he couldn't just send Cinder away with her questions unanswered. He remembered all of the painful goodbyes she had said before she left--permanently. Of the love that Sunpelt shared with her, of the separations of her friends and family. Severedclaw had to put her mind to rest at least. After all, she had done so much for him and was so compassionate when he left.
"Everything is great within ThunderClan. I have an apprentice now, her name is Blackpaw--" He was about to tell her about his love for Ivypaw, but decided to keep his mouth shut. But maybe he could tell her about Sunpelt and Evermist and Paddingsoul? "Do you remember my sister, Evermist? She found a mate: Paddingsoul. But--"[/color] his voice caught in his throat, as if he were choking on a piece of fresh-kill. "But she's dying."[/color] The tom bowed his head, as how a Clanmate would for his fallen comrade.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Cinder smiled at the mention of new apprentices. That was enough information to calm her a little. Her former Clan seemed to be fairing well. "Congratulations," she mewed, her voice becoming more content. She felt as if things had never changed, that she was just chatting with a Clanmate on a hunting trip. Though she knew that it wasn't true, the thought made her smile. Cinder missed ThunderClan every day. She missed her old friends, wondered how her former apprentice was doing and if she ever got a new mentor. Yet the cat she thought of the most had always been Sunpelt. As of now she pictured the handsome tom, remembered their last goodbye. Cinder had only seen him once after that, but their meeting had been brief. Her smile faded. After all this time, it would be likely that Sunpelt would've found another mate. Had he forgotten about her?

"Do you remember my sister, Evermist? She found a mate: Paddingsoul. But--"

Cinder nodded at the mention of Evermist. Though she didn't know the warrior all that well, she'd seen her occasionally on hunting patrols or in camp. Her pale blue eyes shone with concern, though, as Severedclaw's voice broke off. She knew already that the news to come was not good, at all.

"But she's dying."

It was so strange, seeing Severedclaw appear suddenly vulnerable, bowing his head as if Evermist were already gone. Even Cinder felt a wave of grief come over her. Evermist had been a kind cat to her, never with a bad thing to say about anyone. Thinking of the she-cat in a horrible state was so hard and foreign for Cinder. She had no clue what to say. The only words that came to mind were those such as "I'm sorry," or "That's terrible." None of them really fit, though. Her eyes fell to her paws, and Cinder found herself searching desperately for words to say.

"I-I'm so sorry, Severedclaw." Memories of her kithood, when her mother was hit by a monster and father mauled by a dog, swam back into her mind. Cinder had been so young. She knew the pain of losing a family member, yet she didn't bring it up to Severedclaw. Hearing her story would not make him feel better. "What's happening to her? Is she sick?" Illness that deadly in Newleaf? She'd understand if it were Leafbare, but Newleaf sicknesses that bad were very rare.

[~All I Need]

{{ ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE }}
{{ WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEATH }}

Severedclaw had always been the one hiding behind the barriers, hiding under a facade of no emotion. But has he stood there, dripping wet and silently crying, he looked to be the most pitiful, broken-hearted soul there ever was. Cinder's words didn't even register in his mind, only the pain behind the mask, the vulnerability that had encased him. It was about time Severedclaw was breaking the habits, tearing down the canvas he had messed up on. The one his new life had been created before--all of those moons ago--had been a depiction of a battle and a graveyard. Everything had been jumbled up, like how one's thoughts are after coming quickly out of morphine. But this new canvas was more mellow, yet still harried and panicked. As he thought over this, Severedclaw's thoughts went to a more distant track.
What if Cinder was really the enemy? This was the perfect chance for her to attack, to kill. To sate that thrist for blood. Good, thought the handsome tom sullenly. It'll end my misery so much sooner...

[/color]
"I-I'm so sorry, Severedclaw."[/color]
But when he looked up, all of those terrible thougths drifted away. Why was he hurting Cinder? She had never done anything to him, and now he was inflicting her with old wounds. He knew all about the lose of her parents, so why was he moping about his story?
"What's happening to her? Is she sick?"[/color]
Determined not to seem vulnerable anymore, the tom straightened up and stared Cinder directly in the eyes, his showing no more emotions. Those habits weren't meant to be broken yet, it seemed.
" Yes, she is sick. Back when we lived in the mountains, Evermist had contracted a sickness. It seemed so harmless at first, only making her cough some and her fur fall out in small patches during leaf-bare. But then it mutated, pretty much consuming her. "[/color] Severedclaw mewed professionally, as if he were talking about stocks and the economy. His tone was cool, crisp, but on the inside, his heart was breaking into so many pieces that he wondered why it was still beating. " She's dying and she has accepted it. Now on to a brighter topic. But first, let's get out of this rain and under some foliage. "[/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

This vulnerable side of Severedclaw was so foreign. Cinder could only turn her pale blue gaze to her paws, unsure of what to say to the tomcat before her. They had been Clanmates, somewhat friends, and Cinder felt completely helpless in helping him. She hated the feeling. It was like you were restrained, watching a friend being tormented. While restrained, you could do nothing to help them. Cinder peeked timidly up at the tom, only to see that a dramatic change had taken place. His eyes were now emotionless, staring at Cinder as he discussed the illness so easily, as if he were a medicine cat explaining a new disease to an apprentice. Cinder was shocked. How had this happened? It was as if Severedclaw wasn't hurting...

She knew that he was, though. She'd seen the pain, and her silence must've chased it away. Cinder suddenly wished that she could've been of more comfort, had been able to say a few soothing words. But no. She wasn't able to, she had been to afraid. Cinder only nodded as Severedclaw requested they find some cover. He needs someone, he needs to let it all out, Cinder thought to herself. You can tell he's hurting... he's always been so strong, he deserves a chance to throw all that away for once. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. Yet Cinder was afraid. She was afraid of her former Clanmate's reaction, if she reached out, would she be pushed aside? Technically, she was a loner now. The rest of the Clan didn't care about her anymore, she was probably dead to all of them.

Except Severedclaw... and maybe Sunpelt, too. Her heart ached to see Sunpelt again, yet Cinder knew that she needed to help Severedclaw. She couldn't abandon him in this state. This whole cool facade was a mask. Pushing her fears away, Cinder walked over to the tom and rested her tail on his shoulder. No words were spoken, and she felt that no words were needed.

[~All I Need]

{ ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE

[/color] }
{ WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEATH[/color] }[/center]

Now that he had spoken more than he cared, Severedclaw could think of nothing to do but look at his paws and contemplate. Anger--but most of all, mourn--bubbled inside his chest, making him think that he might just split apart at the seams and bleed slowly to death. This wasn't meant to be. This side of him just didn't--couldn't--exist. He had always been the stable shoulder for everyone to lean on, the calm one, the one that just didn't cry. That felt nothing.
The slightest touch, as soft as a feather but as hot as a coal, turned Severedclaw's emotions into action. He buried his face in the she-cat's shoulder and cried. Cried so hard that he wondered how many tears could be locked inside. Held behind such thin eyelids. Though his screams were muffled in Cinder's shoulder, they were audible and could be heard in the forest. Even the rain had quieted to listen to this mourning. This hopeless mourning that wouldn't stop anything; can't turn back time. Severedclaw didn't cry just for Evermist; there was Ivypaw, a life tragically altered because of some stupid accident; his parents and his Tribe, such sweet souls that didn't need to die; even those that he never knew. It seemed that all of the misery of the world that had been contained had been put inside the tom at that moment so it could be released the right way.
" I'm so sorry, Mother, Father, " he whispered in the reassuring shoulder of Cinder. He wasn't talking to her, but trying to make ammends for what he did so long ago. Please help me leave behind a reason to be missed... And please, please don't resent me for what I've done...

[/color][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Tears stained Cinder's smokey pelt, like warmer rain drops only hitting one spot. Soothingly she ran her tail up and down the warrior's back, murmuring soft words. She remembered her kithood days, when her mother and father would do this for her whenever she was upset. They'd just sit there for hours, pressing close to her and whispering soft, encouraging words. Those days were long gone. Cinder gazed up at the cloudy sky, rain falling into her eyes and hiding her own tears for the moments they started to fall. Severedclaw's sobs and cries echoed around her in the forest, silencing everything. Even the rain slowed for a moment, yet the droplets matched the tom's tears. Cinder's heart went out to him. It had to have been hard, never really allowing yourself to let it all out and just cry. Finally, Severeclaw was allowing himself to do so.

"Everything will be alright," Cinder mewed softly, comfortingly. Though there was truth in her words, there were also lies. She couldn't guarantee that everything would be okay, but she still believed it. Everything in this world would happen for a reason. In the end, everything would all work out. "It's okay, it's okay," she repeated in her quiet voice. There she stood, still moving her tail up and down Severedclaw's back gently, still standing there, allowing the siamese warrior to cry on her shoulder. Cinder had always been the motherly type of cat, always being the shoulder to cry on. She was used to this. Yet seeing such a strong warrior break down was shocking to her, and painful at the same time. She hated to see Severedclaw like this, so upset and vulnerable.

[~All I Need]

{ ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE

[/color] }
{ WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEATH[/color] }[/center]

" Everything will be alright. It's okay, it's okay. "

[/color]
Severedclaw held back the urge to ask "Will it, Cinder?" But he knew that the plead would be in his voice. The misery. The vulnerability. All he could do was stifle his sobs until they disappeared deep within him. Where they hopefully would stay for eternity. The rain came down harder, chilling Severedclaw to the bone. He shivered, feeling as weak as a baby bird. He wanted to feel more safe and secure. Cinder's shoulder just wasn't enough. He wanted Ivypaw here with him, so he could feel so much more better by just seeing her. By looking in her beautiful eyes.
" Thank you, Cinder, " he murmured quietly. Just then, a whip of lightning across the sky, drowning out the tom's words. It was about time they got some shelter.
With his side pressed against Cinder's, Severedclaw made his way through the downpour and huddled under a juniper bush, his whole body shivering. [/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Cinder only nodded at Severedclaw's thanks, and she allowed the warrior to lead her to the shelter of the juniper bush. Cinder, an already small cat, was as small as a young apprentice thanks to the rain plastering her pelt to her body. She huddled in the depths of the bush, still feeling rain sliding through the branches and landing on her. Still, it wasn't as bad as it was outside the bush. Cinder felt safer there, safe from the storm raging right in front of her eyes. Still, she would've felt even more protected if Sunpelt were there with her. She sighed at the memory of the ginger tom. During the past moon or so, Cinder had kept Sunpelt out of her mind, so she could adjust to loner life and forget everything about her former Clan home. Yet now, huddled in the same forest she grew up in, was trained in, where all her memories remained, Cinder felt everything from her past rushing back to her mind. Sunpelt was included.

Cinder sneezed, shivers running through her body as she did so. The smokey she-cat knew that after this happening she would become sick; already her throat was dry and scratchy. It didn't matter, though. Running out in the storm wouldn't help any matters. Cinder glanced at Severedclaw, suddenly remembering how his eyes had been so... distant at times when she was comforting him. He was thinking of another cat. Someone he loved? Cinder's eyes became curious. Had Severedclaw found a mate? Deciding it was only fair to ask, for she wanted to get more information on her former home, Cinder mewed, "So, whose been on your mind? And don't deny it, your eyes are distant, as if you're thinking of someone." Cinder smiled, showing she wasn't trying to be hostile or nosy, just curious about her former home.

[~All I Need]

{ ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE

[/color] }
{ WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEATH[/color] }[/center]

Cinder's sneeze made Severedclaw bristle some. It was his fault that she was getting sick; not to mention bringing all of those horrible memories back. The tom pressed his strong, comforting body against the small she-cat to share warmth. Already, a small fever was boiling under her skin.
"So, whose been on your mind? And don't deny it, your eyes are distant, as if you're thinking of someone."

[/color]
The tom's beautiful blue eyes lit up with amusement and he regarded Cinder mischieviously. " Don't tell me that I'm the only one here who has a few interesting people to think about. It's just that... " He shrugged, unsure of what to say, but the little glint in his eye was still there. Severedclaw was in a surprisingly good mood despite the fact that unpleasant thoughts were building in his head like stormclouds. " I-I think I found someone, you know? It's--um--it's Ivypaw. " The tom looked away, his skin blazing. Why was he talking about this so openly? Nobody knew unless they figured it out. There was no way that the situation was talked about, either; no cat would be so dumb as to bring up Severedclaw's secrets. But Cinder was brave, not stupid.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Cinder relaxed, grateful for the warmth of Severedclaw's body against her own small frame. Slowly her shaking started to cease, though every moment or so another shudder would run through her body. She could feel herself getting sick, though hiding under the bush was better then standing out in the rain. A shiver shot up her spine, but she managed to push it away, her body going stiff to stop the shaking. She tried to relax, but every time her muscles lost the tension, shudders started to run through her body. That wasn't a good sign. Once she got back to her territory, she'd take cover in the Spook Barn until she got well. Judging by how quickly this sickness was taking ahold of her, she could tell that it would take a long time.

Cinder purred as Severedclaw's eyes lit up, his teasing remark in her ear. Her ears pricked, taking notice of the tom's open-ness about the subject. As she thought about it, Cinder couldn't think of many cats she could picture Severedclaw with. Then again, she hadn't been in the Clan since many, many moons ago. Curiousity flickered in her pale blue eyes, waiting for Severedclaw's response.

" I-I think I found someone, you know? It's--um--it's Ivypaw. "

Ivypaw... Cinder searched her memory for anything about the she-cat just mentioned. It had been so long since she'd seen anyone in ThunderClan. But this name sounded familiar to her. Suddenly, it clicked in her head. Ivypaw was a beautiful young calico she-cat. Cinder didn't know her very well, but she did recall her being apprenticed to Flightfall, the same day Cinder got her own first apprentice. That was probably the one time she had seen her. Cinder didn't know what had happened to Ivypaw, how her leg had been crushed by a monster. She only recalled her without the injury, her eyes full of life.

"She's a great cat," Cinder mewed, nodding as if in approval. "I don't know her that well, but all the memories I have of her are good." She smiled at Severedclaw, shuddering as lightning tore through the sky. Her eyes narrowed suddenly, feeling a bit fearful. How much longer could she stay there? How much longer until a warrior found her, and this time wouldn't be very welcoming? How much longer could she stay in the rain, without becoming deathly ill?

[~All I Need]

{ ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE

[/color] }
{ WHILE HOLDING HIS BREATH HALF TO DEATH[/color] }[/center]

"She's a great cat. I don't know her that well, but all the memories I have of her are good."

[/color]
Severedclaw smiled sheepishly and ducked his head so that Cinder couldn't see the embarassment in his eyes. This was humiliating. It was like he was asking Cinder for approval of Ivypaw. How long would he go without telling Ivypaw how he felt about her? What would she say? Would she be like everybody else and reject him? Or maybe...Maybe he could happiness at last and find love, just like his sister?
Cinder's tremors sent Severedclaw into alert. Looking around, Severedclaw spotted what he was looking for: catmint! Bending his head, Severedclaw shoved his muzzle near the base of the shrub and grabbed some of the delicious herb in his mouth. Prodding Cinder, Severedclaw put the catmint at her small paws. " Here, eat this. It'll make you feel a lot better. "
The siamese tom looked up at the sky again, hoping that the storm would end soon. I need to get Cinder out of here soon... Before a patrol comes by... Then again, Brownstar wouldn't be foolish enough to send a patrol out in this kind of weather.[/color] A strong gust tore through the clearing, kicking up clouds of dirt and bringing down thick limbs. " Yes, Ivypaw is a great cat. But let's not talk about my love life... How are you--you know... Coping? About um... Sunpelt? " When he realized his ridiculous mistake, Severedclaw's blue eyes widened and he stuttered. " Oh, crap! I'm so sorry...! You don't have to tell me if you don't want to--! I am such an idiot, I'm so sorry. "[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Severedclaw's embarrasment amused Cinder enough to make her let out a soft chuckle. She purred once, eyes moving upwards to the sky. Was it her imagination, or was the rain beginning to lessen? Part of her wished it would; she needed to return to the Loner Terras before a patrol came. But... part of her wished it wouldn't. Every day she missed ThunderClan. She missed Clanlife. Yet she couldn't live where she was untrusted. The loners trusted her, and she had friends there as well. Still, ThunderClan had been her home since forever. They'd cared for her after the death of her parents. Her eyes grew clouded as she thought of them. Did they approve of her choice to leave? She knew her mother would've; Silverwing never had a cruel word to say. But her father... Smokefur. Cinder could imagine the disapproval in his navy eyes.

She jumped slightly at Severedclaw's prodding. Cinder let out a ragged breath, mainly from the cough beginning to rage inside her body. Her eyes moved to the herbs at her paws, and she rapidly shook her head. "No, you need these for your Clan." Which I am no longer a part of... "Don't waste these on me when cats back at your camp could be getting sick as well." She tried to keep the hurt out of her voice.

Cinder laughed at Severedclaw's words. She couldn't help it. His stuttering after what he said made her feel as if she were seeing a whole new side to the tom. His rushed apologies made him seem like an apprentice who'd made a mistake on an assessment. Cinder smiled up at him and mewed, "Severedclaw, Severedclaw! Relax, it's fine, you don't have to apologize. Sunpelt... Well, I haven't seen him in ages. Not since I left, I believe... I miss him dearly, of course. But I haven't seen him in so long that I wonder if the feelings are still there." Cinder's gaze moved to her paws, holding back a cough so Severedclaw wouldn't force her to eat the herbs. Her mind wandered to Sunpelt. What would happen if she saw him again? Part of her feared finding out. What if they didn't feel the same as all those moons ago? But what if they did? Her head was starting to hurt, from both illness and her racing thoughts, and she shut her eyes for a moment.

[~All I Need]

{ CLUTCHING MY CURE, I TIGHTLY LOCK THE DOOR

[/color] }
{ I TRY TO CATCH MY BREATH AGAIN[/color] }[/center]

" No, you need these for your Clan. Don't waste these on me when cats back at your camp could be getting sick as well. "
A frustrated growl grew to a crescendo in Severed's chest. His beautiful blue eyes narrowed as he pushed the cloying herbs back to the ailed she-cat next to him. A strong, wave of protective longing washed through the tom, leaving him slightly dazed and enlightened. He loved Cinder. Nowhere close to the way he loved Ivypaw, but a strong love that was unconditional and kin-like. Cinder had always been there for him, comforted him when no one else would, stood by his side even from great distances... He needed her just as much as he needed sunlight and nourishment and air. She was like his epiphany, his cure that he clutched tightly to that door that held back all of the dark malevolence of his mind. " You need this, Cinder. My Clan is healthy and safe. You have nothing to worry about. Now take these before you regret disobeying me.

[/b] "
Cinder's laughter was like small bells in the midst of the torrent that was finally lessening up. Severedclaw blushed madly under his pelt and attempted at coyly grooming his chest. The seal-point knew his mistake to acting so innocent and guilty; Cinder obviously could see how vulnerable he was now. " Severedclaw, Severedclaw! Relax, it's fine, you don't have to apologize. Sunpelt... Well, I haven't seen him in ages. Not since I left, I believe... I miss him dearly, of course. But I haven't seen him in so long that I wonder if the feelings are still there.[/color] "
Severedclaw was surprised at Cinder's quickness to respond to the touchy subject of Sunpelt. The tom knew the pain that had been inflicted on the two lovers as Sunpelt professed his love to Cinder as she was turning her back on her whole Clan...her life with him. Severedclaw flinched at the thought of it; love was beautiful but it could hurt so much that it might cripple. " Don't worry, Cinder, he...Sunpelt misses you dearly. I-I can see that living another day without you hurts him.[/color] "[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Cinder[/color]

Cinder flinched from Severedclaw's protective growl. She appreciated that he felt protective of her, yes, but the growl came unexpected. She hadn't wanted to upset him, but ThunderClan needed these herbs more. Cinder purred at Severedclaw's words, nodding rather reluctantly. Still, anything to soothe her throat and calm the cough would be worth it. She smiled and took a small nibble from the substance, enjoying the minty taste that soothed her aching throat. She couldn't help but chew a few more, and though the pain wasn't completely gone, it was lessening. "Thanks," she murmured, feeling a bit ashamed at her actions. What if she'd taken those herbs from a kit that was getting a cough? She sighed.

"Don't worry, Cinder, he...Sunpelt misses you dearly. I-I can see that living another day without you hurts him. "

Cinder blinked a few times, her pale blue gaze moving down to her paws again. It hurt her too, thinking of Sunpelt. Part of her wanted him to move on, to find someone within the Clan, so he wouldn't suffer like Severedclaw said he did. But another part, a very selfish part in her opinion, didn't want him to. She cared about him so much. Leaving after he'd said he loved her made it even more difficult, but she just couldn't stay. Not a day went by that she didn't miss ThunderClan, Sunpelt, Severedclaw... The seal-pointed tom beside her was like a brother to Cinder. She enjoyed just being able to talk to him again, after he'd left the loner lands forever. She couldn't help but smile gratefully at him, happy just to know that they'd be friends.

"I miss him every day, too," Cinder mewed. "I miss all of you, especially you, Severedclaw. You're one of my best friends. It hurts not getting to see Sunpelt... not a day goes by that I don't remember him. It hurts to be seperated from all the ones I love, but I couldn't stay here." She sighed. Surely Severedclaw understood, after all he'd almost left, too. Then again, he did come back, which was something that Cinder could never do. The loner territories had become a home to her. She was content there, although the ache of her lost friends of ThunderClan haunted her every second of the day.

[~All I Need]

{ CLUTCHING MY CURE, I TIGHTLY LOCK THE DOOR

[/color] }
{ I TRY TO CATCH MY BREATH AGAIN[/color] }[/center]

" I miss him every day, too. I miss all of you, especially you, Severedclaw. You're one of my best friends. It hurts not getting to see Sunpelt... not a day goes by that I don't remember him. It hurts to be seperated from all the ones I love, but I couldn't stay here.

[/color] "
Severedclaw watched with growing understanding in his eyes. He could understand why Cinder couldn't stay...he couldn't either so long ago. But the same love that Cinder felt affected him, too. It pulled him back to his sister, to Ivypaw, to his Clan...his family. And now, now that he came back, he had more than he could ever bargain for. Blackpaw was like a daughter to him... And she was going to be a warrior soon. The seal-point tom felt such pride at the thought of it. Ivypaw... He didn't know much of what was going to happen to them... But he hoped with every fiber of his heart [the ones that didn't belong to Evermist and Blackpaw] that she would love him in return, eventually...
" I miss you so much, too, Cinder, " the tom mewed sorrowfully. He did miss Cinder. A part of him had detached and was left behind when he returned to ThunderClan. Have you ever thought...,[/color] " the tom paused and licked his dry lips. " Have you ever thought that maybe you should visit--that maybe you should relieve so of this pain by seeing Sunpelt...? "[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Cinder

[/color][/center]

And I don't wanna fall to pieces...

[/color][/left]

... I just wanna sit and stare at you

[/color][/right]

The understanding in Severedclaw's eyes made Cinder feel a bit better. It always upset her when cats just couldn't understand what was going on, when they didn't understand what others were going through. It was just so difficult to talk to those kinds of cats. Severedclaw was easy for Cinder to talk about this, though, for he had left ThunderClan with her. They only did one thing differently. He came back, and she didn't. Did she regret not coming back to the Clans with Severedclaw? Yes and no. Part of her longed to return home, and that part was only growing stronger by being in her old territory, but part of her knew that that part of her life was over now. She'd been gone far too long to be accepted back into the Clan. Even if she did return, the distrust from before would return tenfold.

"Have you ever thought...," Cinder's ears pricked at Severedclaw's words, looking at the tom with curious pale blue eyes. " Have you ever thought that maybe you should visit--that maybe you should relieve so of this pain by seeing Sunpelt...? "

Had she thought about it? That suggestion had always been on her mind, but for many reasons she had held back. One stood out the most. The pain of having to leave again. Seeing Sunpelt would only make it more difficult for her to leave and return to the Loner Terra, which was where she belonged. The smokey gray fae closed her eyes for a moment, slowly shaking her head. "I've thought of it," she admitted, opening her eyes again. "But that just makes it too difficult. By seeing him again, I might not be able to leave and return to my home. And I need to return. I don't belong here anymore." She flinched at her words. "It's hard enough seeing you, one of my best friends, imagine if I saw Sunpelt again." Cinder looked up at Severedclaw, her pale eyes searching for that understanding.

It was going to hurt leaving after seeing Severedclaw, after all Cinder considered him a brother or best friend. If she saw Sunpelt again... No. It was clear that she wasn't ready to even vist ThunderClan's territory again. But she wanted to. She missed all of ThunderClan so much. She missed being able to visit her parents' graves, and now that she couldn't even do that she felt even more distanced from them. Her ears flattened at the saddening thought, and she looked back toward the ground. Would a visit be able to help her? Or would it hurt her. "I'm honestly torn about your idea," she admitted quietly. "Though I'd love to see him again, the hurt that I'll have to face when leaving will remind me of the first time I left. I just don't know.

[~All I Need]

S E V E R E D C L A W[/color]

I don't know what's worth fighting for, why do I have to scream...

... I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean.

Severedclaw knew that Cinder yearned for his understanding. But all he could think of was having her stay. What if he never saw her again? He loved her as strongly as was possible. The siamese sighed, his eyes downcast with sorrow. Unable to make contact with Cinder's eyes, he looked away.
" I've thought of it. But that just makes it too difficult. By seeing him again, I might not be able to leave and return to my home. And I need to return. I don't belong here anymore. It's hard enough seeing you, one of my best friends, imagine if I saw Sunpelt again. "
The tom nodded, still refusing to look at Cinder directly. He knew and understood what she meant, the pain in her voice. All of the regrets and pain behind all of her actions. But was it really too complicated for Cinder to come back? Wouldn't see feel better, healthier, if she could live the Clan life with Sunpelt as her mate?
With a subtle shake of his perfectly formed head, Severedclaw flicked these thoughts away like he would a persistent fly. He was afraid to open his mouth and say what he was thinking. It would only hurt Cinder more and make her want to leave. Of all the things he didn't want, her leaving would leave a gaping hole in his heart. I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean

[/color], he thought bitterly. But what could he say to make Cinder feel better?
" I'm honestly torn about your idea. Though I'd love to see him again, the hurt that I'll have to face when leaving will remind me of the first time I left. I just don't know.[/color] "
Severedclaw steadied his gaze and looked back at Cinder's blue eyes, calm pain in his sapphire orbs. His whiskers twitched, showing his concern. He wanted to say that she could see Sunpelt again and not leave... But he knew that that would be superfluous. Nothing he could say would make Cinder stay.
Getting up, Severedclaw nudged his friend halfheartedly. " Oh, well. You still have time to think about all of it. But for old time's sake, you want to go take a walk? I bet you want to get your blood moving after sitting her so long. Besides, " he added, glancing at the sky. " It's stopped raining. " Just as he finished, a stray drop hit him squarely between the eyes, making him leap a foot into the air.
" Oookay, " he muttered crossly, flicking the drop off. " It just did. "[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Cinder

[/color][/center]

And I don't wanna fall to pieces...

[/color][/left]

... I just wanna sit and stare at you

[/color][/right]

((Idea! What if Cinder gets really sick while they're walking and passes out, and Severedclaw takes her back to ThunderClan camp so the medicine cat helps her, and while she's there she sees everyone?))

Cinder nodded at Severedclaw's suggestion of a walk. It would be nice to be able to wander around her old home for a time without feeling threatened. She got to her paws, and suddenly felt as if she were hit with a bus. She recoiled, blinking a couple times. Her head... everything was spinning. Cinder drew in a sharp breath, but everything in her vision returned to normal in a few moments. A small shudder ran down her spine, and she let out a very soft laugh as a raindrop fell and hit between the eyes. The fae was feeling very fatigued, her paws feeling like lead as she made her way over to Severedclaw's side. Her pale eyes sparkled with amusement, but they also looked tired, and somewhat distant.

"Now it's stopped,"[/size][/color] she purred with amusement.

The gray she-cat walked ahead a few paces, taking in her rain-soaked, former, home. Her tail flicked back and forth as her eyes scanned over the shrubs, over the trees, over every dewdrop-littered piece of grass. She sighed, and then her shoulders racked as she let out a cough. Scarlet drops of blood lay on the grass in front of her, barely noticeable unless one looked closely. A chill ran up Cinder's back, causing her to fluff out her pelt with discomfort. Not wanting Severedclaw to worry, and not wanting to waste any more of the Clan's herbs, Cinder discreetly ran her paw over the few pieces of blood covered grass, wiping away the blood from all eyes. She'd be fine once she returned back to the loner terras and could lie down in the Spook Barn for a rest.

She walked a few more steps ahead, mainly to put on an act for Severedclaw, to prove that she was okay. Which she was. She just needed to rest, that was the cure for everything. Giving her gray pelt a shake, Cinder tasted the air, taking in the scents of ThunderClan, searching for any she recognized. Other then Severedclaw, Cinder could scent no familiar cats. All of the scents were slightly different to her. She looked back at Severedclaw' trying to keep up a cheerful demeanor while her limbs were screaming at her."Come on, slowpoke, let's get going!" There... she thought to herself. I'm fine, just tired. That's it Of course, that wouldn't explain the coughing up blood thing, but maybe that was a whole different story. She'd worry about that later.[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

S E V E R E D C L A W

{ CLUTCHING MY CURE, I TIGHTLY LOCK THE DOOR

[/color] }
{ I TRY TO CATCH MY BREATH AGAIN[/color] }[/center]

Severedclaw's face brightened at Cinder's agreement to patrol the territory. He was elated that they were going to be doing something other than sitting here, talking about topics both the tom and the rogue knew were uncomfortable. Springing to his three paws, the siamese smiled and turned away, pondering about where they could go. Sunningrocks was not the best place; RiverClan might see them and spread the news on to Brownstar... Snakerocks was dangerous at this time of year; Severedclaw wasn't going to even think about the Thunderpath; maybe they could just go hunting? After all, Cinder was looking pretty thin, thinner than usual. And what Brownstar and ThunderClan didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

" Now it's stopped. "

The tom heard Cinder aproach him and he turned his pale blue eyes onto her, immediatly spotting the weariness that etched her face subtly. Severedclaw wanted to point it out to the fae, but he held his tongue, afraid to ruin this one-time moment. Would he ever see his close friend again? After all, he didn't have many friends.

Half-heartedly smiling, he bumped her shoulder lightly with his and looked back in the forest again, anxious to start walking. " I was thinking we should hunt a little bit. Now I know that you are going to decline, but I insist. " Severedclaw purred fondly and brushed the tip of his tail against her ear.

Hearing Cinder's ragged cough, the seal-point beau whipped his head around only to see the gray femme shuffle her paws. Severedclaw's blue orbs studied her carefully, narrowed in concern and cynical. Nothing about Cinder seemed out of place, though. Her eyes were bright--a little too bright, the tom observed--and a small, happy smile hugged her lips.

" Come on, slowpoke, let's get going!

[/i] "

Severedclaw rolled his eyes; typical Cinder, Wing, he added silently. Cinderwing. He laughed and walked up to the small femme, their pelts barely brushing. Eyes alive with content, the siamese watched as Cinder observed her former home, sorrow gripping his heart.

" Fine, fine! I'm coming. You're as energetic as a newborn rabbit, " he meowed as he limped after her, his feet falling in the rhythm they had always known. The tom closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of the wind caressing his fur. This was where he belonged. [/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

tag; cinder!!!
muse; it has returned!! ( /dances to Thriller )
notes; Oooo, me like! Let's do that!!
lyrics; breaking the habit by linkin park--they rock!!

[/right]

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Cinder

[/color][/center]

And I don't wanna fall to pieces...

[/color][/left]

... I just wanna sit and stare at you

[/color][/right]

Her ears pricked at the sound of Severedclaw's laughter, and Cinder soon felt the tom by her side. She offered him a half-hearted smile, not because she was upset, but because she felt... sick. A dull throbbing echoed in her head, making her feel dizzy as she gazed about the beautiful forest. She barely heard Severedclaw's comment about her energy, with was slowly escaping her body as her limbs began to scream like she'd been walking for days. The tiny she-cat closed her eyes for a moment, trying to steady her footing and catch her breath. Still she didn't want Severedclaw to worry. If anything it was just a cold. But if Severedclaw realized that she was sick, he'd be panicking. Now she just wanted to spend time with her friend without all the worry.

Whoa...

[/color][/i] Cinder thought to herself, beginning to sway on her paws. She blinked rapidly, feelings as if the whole forest were spinning around her. The gray femme staggered, nearly falling against Severedclaw as she did so before she caught herself. Cinder unsheathed her claws, ducking her head. This wasn't normal, and definitely wasn't for a cold. "S-Sev-Severedclaw,"[/color] she murmured, her voice nearly catching in her throat as she let out another cough. She flattened her ears, squeezing her eyes shut and wishing for the feeling to disappear. Her stomach felt as if claws were ripping through them, her head feeling like she was just hit by a speeding monster.

What was happening? Out of nowhere her legs gave out from under her, and Cinder collapsed to the ground, her body giving a massive shudder before she passed out.

((Meh, crappy post, but I wanted to finish it. After you post, should we start a new thread in TC camp?))[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

( ooc= I'm going to go ahead and create the thread. I have no more muse for this one. I'm going to title the new one "Somewhere I Belong." I'll have it finished by tomorrow. )

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

((That's fine, Fiah.