slipped.away;open;

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Mothkit

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I've had my wake up, won't you wake up? I keep asking why...

[/color][/left]

... And I can't take it it wasn't fake it happened you passed by.

[/color][/right]

Mothkit's blue eyes flew open and she sucked in a gasp of air that was choked by another sob. The kit's moss-nest was clawed to pieces and stained with the salty tears she'd cried in her sleep. She tried to slow her breathing, to stop the next sob that she knew was coming, but it came out in another hysterical breath of air. The young fae flattened her ears and bowed her head, wrapping her tail around her body to warm herself. The rain was pelting outside the den, not quite cold enough to become more snow. Mothkit blinked a few more crystal tears out of her eyes and looked around the Nursery. It was hardly dawn; the young cat didn't want to wake anyone with her continuous crying. Sniffing she got to her paws, exiting the den with her ginger tail dragging across the ground.

How could this have happened? One moment Cheetahpelt, her dear friend, a cat whom she considered an older sister, was there by her side. And then the next she was gone. Mothkit had been stunned to silence when Hummingbirdpaw had brought Cheetahpelt's body back to camp. Just as she was starting to get over the deaths of the rest of her family, she'd lost her big sister. Mothkit whimpered and sat in the center of the camp, where they'd laid Cheetahpelt's body for the vigil. It was gone now, buried somewhere in the territory, but Mothkit felt that one certain spot was colder then the rest, cold from the chill of the cat's dead body. Or maybe she was just imagining things, that happened very often with her.

The rain had long ago plastered her fluffy white pelt to her body, making her appear the size of a kit again, even though she was the age of an apprentice by now. Mothkit wrapped her tail around her body as she laid down, covering her nose as well. Every now and then a shudder would run up her spine, but she pushed it away. The clouds covered the rising sun from her view, and she settled with closing her tear-filled eyes again to maybe keep the floodgates from pouring out. Shivers ran erratically through her body thanks to the chilling rain that fell mercilessly onto her. She'd probably get sick thanks to this, but part of her didn't care. It seemed like every cat she got close to eventually died or left. If she were gone, maybe Snifflekit would be safe? The thought of losing him sent Mothkit into hysterics; she couldn't lose her best friend on top of everything else.

What if her immature theory was true? Maybe she was cursed, maybe every cat that she got close to would be lost to her in the end. What if Snifflekit died because of her? The sobs came much faster at the thought. Normally, Mothkit wouldn't think like that, but these weren't normal situations. It did make sense; her brothers had all died, as had her mother, and then her father left because he blamed Mothkit for it all. Only a few moons later did she lose Cheetahpelt as well. Snifflekit was all she had left. Mothkit blinked her blue eyes open, getting the rain and tears from their depths as she looked toward the Nursery entrance. She tried to find Snifflekit, but she was too blinded by rain and tears to see. Defeated, the little cat placed her head back on her paws and pulled her tail closer around her.

Cheetahpelt had looked after Mothkit like a mother would, since there were no other queens to take her, but had treated her like a best friend or sister would. Though she'd had Snifflekit, having an older cat to keep her in line had been exactly what she'd needed. Cheetahpelt had been the mother she'd lost so early in her life, the sister never had. She sobbed again and sniffed once, the rain not lessening at all. She coughed, her body shaking to keep herself warm. She just wanted to be alone, but there was nowhere she could go, was there? Mothkit whimpered and snuggled into a tight ball, hearing the faint sound of pawsteps in the rain. Would they leave her be, or scold her for being out in the rain? Or would they comfort her for her loss? Mothkit didn't know which, but she braced herself and closed her eyes, not wanting to face this cat.

[~All I Need]

Hummingbirdpaw

{ I AM A LITTLE BIT OF LONELINESS, A LITTLE BIT OF DISREGARD }
{ A HANDFUL OF COMPLAINTS BUT I CAN'T HELP THE FACT THAT EVERYONE CAN SEE THESE SCARS }

Claws trembling in their sheathes; pretty facade contorted in unconscious misery; paws and legs flailing in the air, clawing at an unseen enemy.

Hummingbirdpaw was stuck in a horrific nightmare, reliving the night of Cheetahpelt's and Stitches's deaths. Though the scene was exactly the same, everything was completely different. Instead of Cheetahpelt being the one lying broken and mangled on the ground, it was Hummingbird; her fragile body pulsating and burning with fire running through her veins. The silver she-cat watched as the mottled warrior fought Stitches, her maw open to reveal gleaming fangs; her yowls of fury sounding like thunder in Hummingbirdpaw's ears. All she could do was watch as the ebony tom danced about, his dark form completely hidden except for his hideous eye.

But Cheetahpelt was fast and grabbed the tom by the shoulders and sunk her teeth into his spine, his caterwauls ringing in the dissolving night air. With a mighty heave, Cheetahpelt tossed Stitches's body aside and stood tall and proud, her lean body an illuminated silhouette against the rolling thunderclouds.

Not a single scratch on her. . . It should have been me who died. . .

[/color]

Hummingbird's green eye flew open as she bolted upright from her shredded nest, her heart fluttering like a bird's. Trembling, the silver fae moved her stiff muscles so that she was standing, her legs spread out to keep her from collasping. The scar on her face throbbed as if injected with ten doses of venom, and she touched a paw to it; it was amazing how she could think she was normal until she felt nothing normal about her face. Like a broken limb--Hummingbirdpaw winced at the thought of Cheetahpelt's snapped legs--it would feel fine until the endorphines died. It's all over, she told herself, trying to calm herself down and to dose the grief and guilt that cackled in her young mind. Cheetahpelt is dead, the loner is dead; I'm alive and fine. I'm going to stay in WindClan with Farsight. The she-cat closed her eye and took a deep breathe, her forehead knit in worry. " I'm alive. . . And Cheetahpelt is not. Poor Mothkit is all alone except for Snifflekit. . . " The she-cat broke off as she heard the sound of muffled sobs from the center of the camp, almost drowned out by the rain. Hummingbird sighed, she knew who it was by the grief that smothered the tiny voice.

Poor, poor little Mothkit.

Paws still trembling from the aftermath of the nightmare, Hummingbird shakily stepped over the few other apprentices and out of the sparsely covered apprentices' den, her silver fur buffeted by the sheet of rain pouring from the gray sky above. The tears of all of those that have suffered. If the heavens were to spontaneously decide to open the floodgates and release all of the tears of the past and present, then the whole world would drown in the tears of loss, happiness, and agony. Everyone would immediately give up the ghost, unable to endure more of the torture. Hummingbirdpaw felt like that right now. She just wanted to crawl somewhere and die. Why did everything have to be ripped from everybody? Why were they put through so much misery only to go to a "beautiful heaven?" Couldn't they just be there? There was no point in putting your own creations, your children through any kind of pain. The small femme shivered at the thought of putting any of her future descendants through anything like that; she'd rather them die the second they meet the world rather than living miserable lives in it.

The cold seeping through her fur and into her paws, Hummingbirdpaw slowly crossed the clearing to where Mothkit lay, her little body looking even more vulnerable in the pelting rain. " Mothkit-- " the she-cat mewed, feeling her windpipe clog up with emotions. The femme's green eyes became filmy with tears and a few drop of the salty crystals slipped out from under the lid of her ruined eye. Hummingbirdpaw licked her lips nervously before lying down next to the ginger and white she-kit. " Mothkit. . . I miss Cheetahpelt, too. I'm sorry I failed you by not being able to save her. "

Hummingbird's expression was somber as she directed her gaze from Mothkit to her tan paws, a frown haunting her lips. Was there really anything she could have done for the deceased warrior? No. Did that mean that she didn't blame herself? No.

" You would be glad to know that she really loved you. I promised her that I would take care of you. . . That doesn't mean that I'm trying to replace her, though, Mothkit. It just means that I'm trying to fill that gaping hole in your heart. I know what it feels like to lose your family. I've lost my family and--you've got Snifflekit. " She looked at the nursery at the mention of the black and white tom's name. " A friend is something you need to cherish with every part of you that you can muster. Love Snifflekit with your whole heart, Mothkit; he's all you've got now. " I know that I've got Blackpaw, she finished silently as she brushed a stray tear away with a shaking paw. But it wasn't from the cold, it was from the grief.

Yes, the world was a cruel sick place.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

tag; cindsah! (you're probably getting tired of me butting in all of the time X3)
muse; let it snow!! . . .O.0
notes; i think hummingbird should be moth's mentor when she becomes a warrior
lyrics; faint by linkin park

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[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Mothkit

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I've had my wake up, won't you wake up? I keep asking why...

[/color][/left]

... And I can't take it it wasn't fake it happened you passed by.

[/color][/right]

((Nah I don't mind at all, I love posting with you Fiah! xD lol and yesss that would work perfectly!))

She flinched at the sound of the voice, trying to keep her neck fur from rising. Though it was wrong, and she knew it, she did blame Hummingbirdpaw in a way for Cheetahpelt's death. It was a deep, distant feeling in the back of her mind, but whenever she saw the silver she-cat the emotion surfaced. Mothkit wasn't sure exactly why she felt this way. Maybe it was because Hummingbirdpaw made it out alive, and Mothkit had lost a cat that she'd truly needed. Mothkit was too young and grief-stricken to realize that Hummingbirdpaw was hurting too. That didn't matter to her. At the time she was being selfish, because really that was all she had left. That, and Snifflekit. Mothkit turned her head away from Hummingbirdpaw and looked longingly toward the Nursery, wishing her friend would awaken. She didn't want to be alone with Hummingbirdpaw.

"Mothkit-- Mothkit. . . I miss Cheetahpelt, too. I'm sorry I failed you by not being able to save her. "

[/color][/i]

Mothkit blinked, still not looking the femme in the eye. At that moment she felt bad for thinking such thoughts of her, but that didn't change the fact that she'd lost someone close to her heart. She knew that Hummingbirdpaw hadn't wanted Cheetahpelt to die. But still... Mothkit just hated the fact that there was no way she'd get Cheetahpelt back. "It's not your fault,"[/color] she replied, her voice a whisper under her breath. Never had the cat ever been so quiet in her life. Mothkit turned to look at Hummingbirdpaw, who was now lying beside her on the rain-soaked ground. She didn't flinch from the scars like many other cats did; Mothkit saw it as something to be proud of. A scar that showed a true warrior's heart. Even with her slightly angry thoughts to Hummingbird, she still respected the cat, for trying.

" You would be glad to know that she really loved you.[/color][/i] Mothkit bit her lip until she could feel blood drip into her mouth. The tiny cat held back a sob. Of course she knew that Cheetahpelt loved her. Being reminded of that just brought back the memories, though. "I promised her that I would take care of you. . . That doesn't mean that I'm trying to replace her, though, Mothkit. It just means that I'm trying to fill that gaping hole in your heart. I know what it feels like to lose your family. I've lost my family and--you've got Snifflekit. "[/color][/i]

Mothkit looked at Hummingbirdpaw with wide blue eyes. Look after her? She didn't need to be looked after- why else would StarClan have taken the way the only cat that did look after her? She opened her mouth to complain, to hiss at the she-cat for suggesting such a thing when it was clearly not something StarClan wanted, until Hummingbirdpaw brought up Snifflekit. Of course she had Snifflekit, but for how long? Would she lose him, too? That would forever be Mothkit's biggest fear- losing the only cat alive that meant anything to her at all, the one cat that meant more to her then herself. If she ever lost him... She'd lose herself.

"A friend is something you need to cherish with every part of you that you can muster. Love Snifflekit with your whole heart, Mothkit; he's all you've got now. "[/color][/i]

"I-I know that,"[/color] Mothkit murmured. "He's my best friend, my only friend. The only thing that I have left to fear is losing him..."[/color][/b] Mothkit looked at Hummingbirdpaw, knowing that she'd understand. Mothkit had almost forgotten that Hummingbirdpaw had lost her family, too. That was a bit of a comfort, no matter how selfish, that she knew someone who shared a common loss. Mothkit sighed, burying her face in her paws. "But what if I lose him too? StarClan have taken everything else from me, why wouldn't they take him? I can't lose Snifflekit, I can't. I'd have nothing left...[/color][/b] Mothkit was nearly in hysterics by now, her shoulders jerking with sobs.

She felt so small, now. She just wanted her mother to hold her close again, like she would when she was a kit. Mothkit just wanted to go back in time and stay frozen to where she had everyone, where she had her whole family, Cheetahpelt, and Snifflekit by her side. She wanted Snifflekit to get his mother and sister back, and even wanted Hummingbirdpaw to get her family back, too. Why did StarClan torment them this way? Why did they rip away the ones that they loved? Mothkit looked up at Hummingbirdpaw, her eyes red from the tears. She needed a friend at that moment, more then anything. She pushed any resentment she felt toward the she-cat away and buried her face in her shoulder.

"Will I still have you, too?"[/color] she asked, her voice still as quiet as before.

((Ahh poor Mothkit and Hummingbirdpaw ): Killing of Cheetahpelt was a badddd idea D: ))[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

Hummingbirdpaw

{ LIKE STARTLING SIGN THAT FATE HAD FINALLY FOUND ME }
{ AND YOUR VOICE WAS ALL I HEARD, THAT I GET WHAT I DESERVE }

Hummingbirdpaw didn't blame the white kit for not wanting to be alone with her; but they shared the same grief. They shared the same loss. Looking down at Mothkit, the silver femme sighed and laid her head on her paws, being thrown back into a memory. . . One that was meant to be forgotten.

¤~

" Autumnpaw is gone!! "

A younger Hummingbirdpaw left her parents' cold bodies and barreled into Weathereyes, Autumnpaw's mentor, as a wail of misery emanated from her open maw. " You didn't look hard enough! Autumn likes to go out for walks to clear her head. . . S-s-she wouldn't just leave me right after our parents died!! "

Weathereyes bent his neck so he could look into the silver she-cat's green eyes with his amber ones. Shaking his head slightly, he mewed, " She's gone, Hummingbird. We found the remains of a cat out there. . . It seems a fox got to Autumnpaw. "

The she-cat hissed and shoved him away, tears spilling from her eyes. Her small body curled in on itself like a withering leaf as her large tan paws started to claw at herself. If she had to live without her loved ones, then she wouldn't live. If she had to rip her own life out of her, then so be it. Weathereyes grabbed the flailing tan paws and held them down firmly, his own paws shaking as he took a deep breathe. " Look at me, Hummingbirdpaw. " When the silver fae didn't respond, he sighed and let go of her; her limbs falling uselessly to her sides. With a last, anxious glance at the grief-striken apprentice, the mottled gray warrior turned around and intercepted a group of warriors carrying a mangled body into the camp. Hummingbirdpaw couldn't hear his exact words, but she could guess them Don't let her see the body; she's already suffered enough.

[/color]

The tiny femme sniffed quietly before once again curling up against her mother's cold fur. Yes; yes I have. With her agonized wails filling the silent camp, Hummingbird--as fragile and delicate as one--cried herself to sleep.[/blockquote][/blockquote]

~¤

" It's not your fault.

[/i] "

At the sound of Mothkit's quiet whisper, Hummingbirdpaw was dropped back into the present as she blinked her eye; her delicate head pivoted to look the white she-kit straight in the eye. No fear of the scar. . . But there was the traces of resentment, of loathe. Not meaning to, Hummingbird flinched away, her ears flat against her skull. She knew why Mothkit felt the way she did; if given the second chance, Hummingbirdpaw would change her life for Cheetahpelt's in a heartbeat. It was my fault. . . I'm so sorry I didn't save her.

" I-I know that. He's my best friend, my only friend. The only thing that I have left to fear is losing him... But what if I lose him too? StarClan have taken everything else from me, why wouldn't they take him? I can't lose Snifflekit, I can't. I'd have nothing left...[/i] "

Emerald gaze mollified and weary, Hummingbirdpaw let her short tail drape across the dip in Mothkit's back. She closed her eyes as she felt the tremors of future grief overwhelm the young fae. " No one ever knows anything when it comes to StarClan, Mothkit, " she whispered as she ran her mind over the words first before they left her tongue. The young silver fae felt like that whenever she thought of the ones she held near and dear to her heart. Farsight; though she expected him to be living alongside her until death parted them, how long would that really be? Would the Clan kill him; or would fate be cruel and take him from her before she ever got to truly love him and embrace him with her whole heart? When she first met the handsome tabby, part of the she-cat's heart was reserved to her Clan, locking a part of her away from her mate forever. But if he were to live in WindClan with her, then she would let her complete love for him imbue them both. They would be happy. . .forever.

" Will I still have you, too? "

Hummingbirdpaw watched as the little white fae buried her face in the silver fur, the tears leaking through onto Hummingbird's skin. Nodding silently, she transfered a few tears from Mothkit's bloodshots eyes onto her small delicte paw. " You'll always have me, Mothkit. "

Sighing, the femme closed her eye and lightly laid her head on Mothkit's, small tears spilling from her tears ducts.

Oh, why Cheetahpelt? Why?[/color]

( ooc=Fiah! you cruel, cruel woman! don't ever, EVER kill another character again without my say-so. ;3 )[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

tag; cindsah!
muse; please don't ask. . .
notes; ( /hits cinder ) fool! why did you kill cheetahpelt?! ( /hits again )
lyrics; new divide by linkin park

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[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Mothkit

[/color][/center]

I've had my wake up, won't you wake up? I keep asking why...

[/color][/left]

... And I can't take it it wasn't fake it happened you passed by.

[/color][/right]

" No one ever knows anything when it comes to StarClan, Mothkit, "

[/color][/i]

Mothkit looked away. Those hadn't been the words she'd wanted to hear. She'd wanted Hummingbirdpaw to say that Snifflekit would always be there, that Mothkit would die before she had to see the young tom die. The kitten hung her head, shutting her eyes. To think that she'd possibly have to go through this all over again, only so much worse. She sighed a shaky sigh, her shoulders shivering from the grief and cold. Her sky-blue eyes were clouded with a teary sheen, something so rare for the young kit that was always so full of life. How much life had to be lost for her to completely crack? She only had two cats left in her life to lose: Snifflekit, and now Hummingbirdpaw. Her father was gone, probably never to be seen again...

"Where's Bramblefrost?"[/color]

The warrior looked down on two-moon-old Mothkit guiltily, his bright green eyes flashing. Mothkit tilted her head to the side in confusion. Where would her father have gone? He'd promised to take her for a walk that day, to talk to her about some "important things" that it was time she knew. Why would he leave so soon? Mothkit blinked once at the tabby warrior, who tried to avert the young kit's gaze.

Mothkit felt worry grip her stomach. "Is he okay?"[/color] she asked, well, more like demanded. Her pelt fluffed out defensively as she glared at the warrior, awaiting her answer that she desperately needed. The warrior cleared his throat, flattening his ears and shuffling his paws. He was a new warrior, immature and self-conscious. His stalling was angering Mothkit.

"Mothkit... your dad left."[/color] The warrior bit his lip. Mothkit shrugged.

"Well when will he be back?"[/color]

The warrior sighed, not meeting Mothkit's eyes as he replied, "Never."[/i][/size][/color]

Mothkit shook the memory from her mind as Hummingbirdpaw wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked up at the she-cat gratefully, sniffling once as she laid her head on her shoulder. Her ears pricked as Hummingbirdpaw said that she'd always have her. Mothkit bit her lip, knowing that Hummingbirdpaw meant the words well, but knowing that they were false, also.

"You can't ever have someone always,"[/color] she murmured, her voice monotonous. As she remembered how easilly her dad had left, and on his one free will, how easy would it be for Hummingbirdpaw and Snifflekit to be ripped from her life? To easy. Mothkit blinked the tears out of her eyes, trying to harden her expression. There was no such thing as forever, was there? Eventually everyone you loved would leave... and then what would there be left to face forever with? Mothkit stifled a sob.

"Hummingbirdpaw,"[/color] Mothkit mewed, looking up at the silver fae. "Do StarClan hate certain cats?"[/color] She looked away, fearing the answer yet again. The truth never set her free, it only hurt her and held her back. She'd have to do it herself, let herself be free.

((UGH! I'm so museless! D: -ish hit!- OW! D: I promise never to kill another charrie without your consent!))[/blockquote]

[~All I Need]

Hummingbirdpaw

{ IS IT ENOUGH TO DIE SOMEBODY SAVE ME LIFE }
{ I'D RATHER BE ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY PLEASE }

Unfinished

tag; cindsah!
muse; D<
notes; i have so many dang threads to reply to right now. . .XP
lyrics; anything but ordinary by avril lavigne

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