things i'll never say. (blackie)

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Oh great StarClan, I'm going to claw Ryepaw's ears off!

Lizzardpaw trudged furiously through the marshes, sightless eyes narrowed into angry slits as she walked. Oh, Ryepaw would regret what she said. Lizzardpaw didn't understand why she was so angry, she just was. Was it because what Ryepaw said was partially true? Did Lizzardpaw... like Smokefoot? No! She respected him; he was a strong warrior, and he had been through so much. That was it. Lizzardpaw looked up to the tom, and that was that. No way did she... like him the way Ryepaw had implied. Feelings like that were foreign to Lizzardpaw; feelings like that only got in the way, only made things more painful for her. She couldn't allow herself to feel that way. Smokefoot was moons older then her, for one, and two, he most likely wouldn't feel the same way if Lizzardpaw felt that way, which she did not!

Why did Ryepaw have to even mention that?! My brain is going to explode! Lizzardpaw stopped before the weathered rocks, unsheathing her claws into the wet ground. The warmth of the rocks soothed her, and therefore helped lead her to her perch. The femme jumped onto the smallest rock and laid down, scraping her claws against the surface. Great StarClan, why was she feeling this way? She didn't even know Smokefoot all that well, in fact she'd only talked to him once. There was just something about him... Lizzardpaw let out a furious hiss and got to her paws, leaping off the rock and back onto the marsh in one bound. She lashed her tail back and forth, pacing in front of the stones so much that her paws were starting to leave prints in the ground.

Pawsteps sounded behind her, and Lizzardpaw tasted the air to decipher who it was. The cat was downwind of her, though, and therefore all she picked up was the Newleaf air. Lizzardpaw didn't even bother demanding to know who it was; it was most likely one of her Clanmates, going for a walk after the meeting. Growling, Lizzardpaw halted her pacing and awaited for the cat to reveal themselves.

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[Blackie]

Ryepaw's normally light feet were clumsy with her speed. She had to hurry and find Lizzardpaw, wherever she had snuck off to. Her friend had been so upset! Ryepaw wasn't even sure why. Obviously, it had something to do with what she had said during the meeting about Smokefoot. Ever since the gray apprentice had mentioned the older warrior, Lizzardpaw had been in a gloomy mood. Ryepaw had somehow hit a sore spot. Stopping to taste the air for signs of the blind apprentice, the she-cat wrinkled her nose. What was so special about Smokefoot that Lizzardpaw would want to defend him? She had even been willing to walk out on Ryepaw for the first time because of him! Was it true, then? Had he become special to Lizzardpaw? But that's crazy! He's a daft old furball and she's amazing. They don't fit together!

She kept going, determined to find Lizzardpaw before her friend thought she was being neglected. Even if Lizzardpaw did like Smokefoot, it didn't matter. The blind calico was Ryepaw's best friend. She could adjust to Smokefoot if she had to. Besides, Lizzardpaw would probably grow up and never think of him again in a moon. At least, not think of him in that way if she did now.

"Lizzardpaw!" Ryepaw called when she came upon the other apprentice. Ryepaw's bronze eyes widened. Lizzardpaw looked furious! Either she's mad at me or what happened at the meeting. Ryepaw reasoned. Wow, she must like him a lot to get that mad with me! The gray apprentice padded closer, careful to stay out of claw reach. "Lizzardpaw," she repeated gently. "What's wrong?"

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[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

Lizzardpaw turned around to face Ryepaw, eyes no longer furious. Now their depths just swam with sightless confusion. Thousands of thoughts flooded into her mind, and whenever one of Smokefoot showed up it sent Lizzardpaw's heart into overdrive. His voice was soothing to her, when she'd previously heard it at least. She couldn't picture the description Ryepaw gave her of the time in her mind though, mainly due to the fact that Ryepaw was snickering when she said this. That was an immediate way to tip Lizzardpaw off that she wasn't being serious. Lizzardpaw desperately searched her memory, back to her kithood, for a time she might've seen Smokefoot at least once. Yet in her confusion and slight rage, she just wasn't able to find it.

"What's wrong?"

Ryepaw's voice came out soft as she mewed this. Lizzardpaw let out a hiss. "I don't even know!" she growled. "I can't think straight. Ever since you said that, my head felt like it was going to just burst! I don't know why, and that just... makes me so mad!" Lizzardpaw glared at her paws, no longer looking in Ryepaw's direction to avoid her friend seeing her eyes, filled with desperate confusion.

((Excuse the shortness please))

[Blackie]

Ryepaw stared at Lizzardpaw, the confusion clear on her face. How was she supposed to handle this? Lizzardpaw was angry, and she didn't even know why she was! Apparantly, it was still about Smokefoot. If the the blind apprentice was upset because Ryepaw had teased one of her Clanmates in a rude way, she could understand that. But not this. There was no understanding this emotion, or at least not yet. It was too confusing.

"Look," Ryepaw mewed, stepping forward so she could comfort her friend. "I'm sorry, okay? I won't talk about him anymore if it makes you so upset."



-Back at camp-


The meeting had ended, setting the cats free to go about the rest of their day. Excited chatter came from all around, drowning out thoughts. Smokefoot tried to ignore them. He wasn't ready to be happy yet. Watching apprentices become warriors reminded him too much of Leopardpaw and Emberpaw, destined to never receive their names. Again, that self-accusing thought battered his defenses into his mind. Why had he survived, and not them? Why was he still here?

His attention became distracted by a flurry of movement accross the camp by the entrance tunnel. Smokefoot couldn't see who had just gone out, but Ryepaw was following. She had a desperate look as if something was wrong. Lizzardpaw? The mottled gray and black tom looked around the camp for the calico apprentice. She wasn't there. Breathing hard with worry, Smokefoot got up in pursuit of the gray apprentice.

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[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

"It's not you," Lizzardpaw replied as she looked up at her friend again. "It's not your fault. I'm not mad at you, StarClan I don't even know who I'm mad at! It could be myself, I mean it's just... I dont know!" Lizzardpaw sighed, shaking her head rapidly, trying so hard to just clear her head. What did all of this mean? What were these emotions, their meaning, their purpose for being there? Lizzardpaw dug her claws into the ground, lashing her tail back and forth rhythemicaly to calm herself down. She just needed to breathe, to think, to clear her stupidly troubelled mind.

"I feel like clawing someone's ears off- not yours though," Lizzardpaw added to make sure Ryepaw understood that she wasn't mad at her. The sound of rushing paws reached her ears, faint to show that the cat wasn't there yet. Lizzardpaw didn't bother trying to figure out who it was; they were going to get their own ears clawed off if they came too close. With her mind racing in the way it was, Lizzardpaw wasn't a cat to mess with. The only reason Ryepaw was safe because, well, she was in fact her best friend. Though she angered Lizzardpaw earlier today, Lizzardpaw didn't want to hurt her.

[Blackie]

Amusement flitted into Ryepaw's eyes. She didn't like that Lizzardpaw was upset, but she was glad that she wasn't mad with her! Purring gently, Ryepaw touched her nose against the calico shoulder. "Calm down," she mewed. "Let's talk about something else, or do something fun. I don't like to see you all ruffled up."



As he moved further into ShadowClan territory, the sound of faint voices could be heard. It had to be the two apprentices; everyone else was still at camp. Smokefoot paused, taking in a deep breath. Did he want to know what was wrong, if anything? He couldn't help but think of how foolish he would look barging into the apprentices conversation only to find out there was nothing for him to be worried over. He'd look like an idiot then. Drawing his tongue over his whiskers and composing himself to a calm, the warrior kept going. He was a warrior, the she-cat's senior. They had to respect him no matter how mouse-brained they thought him to be.

It wasn't long before he was within proper hearing range of the apprentices. He almost backed out, but his concern for the welfare of the young cats overcame his concern for himself. Taking a deep breath, Smokefoot padded out into sight.

"Lizzardpaw," his voice went scratchy and he had to stop. Swallowing, he started over in a gruffer voice. "Ryepaw! What are you doing out here?" he glared at the gray apprentice. It wasn't fair, but he couldn't bring himself to look or scold at Lizzardpaw. "You should know better than to come out here without a warrior to look after you!


ooc:Horrible bad, pathetic. Deal with it.

[Cinder.and.Flightfall]

"I'll try," Lizzardpaw replied, keeping her voice from shaking with the total confusion she felt. Her head was practically spinning. "Let's just hunt or something. Or we could practice our fighting, if you want." Lizzardpaw was about to say more, but the cat who had been approaching finally revealed themselves. The voice and scent of Smokefoot dominated Lizzardpaw's senses. His voice was scratchy as he mewed her name, and Lizzardpaw found her gaze just shooting straight to her paws. She listened as he started over, now scolding Ryepaw and not addressing her at all. Lizzardpaw frowned; why was he not scolding her? Though it made her feel better, it also made her feel angry. He couldn't just scold Ryepaw and brush Lizzardpaw off, they were both at fault here!

"Hey, I'm blind, not invisible," Lizzardpaw mewed, looking over in Smokefoot's direction. "This isn't Ryepaw's fault, she was coming out here to talk to me. If you're going to scold anyone, scold me." Lizzardpaw looked at her paws again, suddenly feeling guilt claw at her stomach. She hated that she'd just yelled at Smokefoot. Lizzardpaw remembered how he'd reacted last time, when she yelled at him for assuming Ashpaw was dead. Oh, Ashpaw... Lizzardpaw shut her eyes as she remembered her sister. Ashpaw would be a great help to her right now; she was always smart when it came to this emotional stuff. How she needed her now!

"Sorry," Lizzardpaw mewed to Smokefoot, though she wasn't sure if he should've gotten the apology. Lizzardpaw, though she was greeted, had been brushed aside moments after. Why did that bug her? She would've been scolded, and yet she felt... jealous, that Ryepaw got scolded by Smokefoot? Great StarClan! Lizzardpaw opened her eyes and looked back up at the other cats, not seeing them but feeling suddenly comforted by their presences.