catching up

[Deleted]

okay so obviously a lot of us haven't talked in a while, so let's catch up.

hi, I'm Kitsu. I played Creamstep, TC meddie, and Properties, nomad second in command. I don't remember my other charries, this was so long ago. xD

let's see. I'm just going to start from the most important part in my latest years. it's pretty graphic and depressing, sooo be warned. :l

in May 2009, I dated a guy named Rob for two weeks. during that short time, he cheated on me because I wouldn't put out, and I broke up with him. I was thirteen at the time. over the summer between school years, it was a love/hate relationship between us, and things were really rocky. I still had feelings for him at the beginning of the next school year. I met a girl, Turah, and became good friends with her. I told her about how I felt about him, as he already knew; the very next day, she asked him out. I was devastated. I have always been affected by depression and anxiety, and this just made it worse. October 2009, I hated life. my grades suffered, I suffered. my depression spiralled. I asked my mother for antidepressants, straight to her face, and she said no. December 28th, 2009, I was ready to kill myself. I checked on one of my Warriors sites one last time, and this girl who absolutely hated me was there, with some guy. I started talking to them, because what the hell, I was planning on dying that night anyway. well, he started flirting, added me on AIM, and on January 6th, he asked me out. the girl wrote a blog about how much she hated me, and he ended up destroying their four year old friendship for our month long relationship. in April, he cheated on me, which I didn't discover until October after the breakup. in the last few weeks, he became extremely abusive (I would say 'hi' instead of 'hey' and he would yell at me). August 7th, he broke up with me. I cried myself to sleep for days afterward. August 14th, I found myself looking in the mirror. I was fourteen, and the fat that every female gets near her uterus was starting to show. I thought, and I quote exactly, "it wouldn't hurt to lose a few pounds." after that moment, I started skipping meals, and eventually spiralled into anorexia -- I went eight days without eating once, and I ran back to aforementioned ex for help because I was so messed up. I became very quiet, secretive, hurt; I lost most of my friends because I was in so much pain, but I was still alive, and that was what (at that time) mattered. I still wasn't on medicine, but I dealt with it.. I tolerated it, pushed through. my depression and anxiety got worse with my anorexia. In eighth grade, before I met my ex, I had a wonderful English teacher. I visited her a few months ago, and started talking. she commented on how much my collarbones were sticking out. I didn't think I'd lost any weight (I was already underweight as it was when I started starving myself; healthy body fat for a female is ~23%, and before I even started starving myself, I was at 11.7%). I struggled through school. February 2012, I met a guy named Joseph. long story short, he was extremely emotionally abusive, threatened suicide whenever I tried to break up with him, and forced me to stay in a relationship with him when I had no feelings for him. it was long distance, and in December, for our ten months, I bought him a trip to my city (after he relentlessly begged). while he was here... he, well, he raped me. the entire relationship was absolute hell for me. I spent maybe fifteen hundred dollars on him, money that I could have saved to leave the country with my school. I almost dropped out because of his pressuring me. backtrack a little bit now, May 2012. I was looking for a job (and he said I wouldn't find one, constantly discouraging me). second application I turned in called me in for an interview, my first ever interview, and then I got the job -- despite everything Joseph said against me. I was extremely shy and quiet, terrified; it was only fast food, but I was frightened beyond belief. my anxiety was crazy. I had just recently started going to therapy and got on meds. my therapist did NOTHING for my eating disorder, despite that being her speciality. they didn't think I could do it. Joseph said I couldn't do it. (later he gave himself credit for the fact that I even got the job). now, here I am, seventeen and still holding the job I got when I had just turned sixteen -- hell, I'm getting a promotion as soon as I turn eighteen (since I'm not old enough yet, but they said that on my eighteenth birthday, I'm promoted. I'm the best cashier, and better than some of the shift leaders; the owner of the company has come in and praised me, my manager has praised me, I disagreeistant manager, shift leaders, coworkers, everyone. constant praise. back to February with Joseph. I was done with the relationship, I wanted him gone. February twenty eighth, I was working one night. it was around nine pm, and that night we closed at ten, so I was starting to clean. three men came in -- two of them were shorter and had darker skin (one was Mexican, named Alex; the other black, and named Walter). the third one towered over me. they were all wearing suits, and the third one, a tall, handsome, skinny white guy, had donned a fedora. as soon as I saw him, my muscles relaxed, and everything became... okay, I guess. I hadn't been in a particularly bad mod, but... it was almost like I was relieved to see him, and I had never met him before. he had the most gentle smile, the softest eyes, and he gave me a look filled with compassion. I've always been able to get auras about people, and tell if they'll be good/bad in my life, and his... he was a shining star. once they ordered their food, I was sweeping, and when I got near them someone's order was ready so I had to go back up front. as I moved past, I looked at the tall one, smiling, and said, "be careful -- I might sweep you off your feet." about five minutes later I came back, entirely nonchalant, took a broom, and dusted off the bottoms of his shoes. I don't know why I decided to flirt with him. I was in a relationship at the time, and Joseph was the type of guy to freak out if I even mentioned another male name... he got jealous of my pet cat, I disagreeistant manager, everyone. but something about him drew me to him, and I couldn't help but glance at him every moment or two. eventually he came over with his number, and he was the first guy I ever texted after receiving his phone number (and I get them a lot, ugh.) however, things with Joseph got worse, and I stopped talking to him because I tried to respect my insane ex. just a few days after he came in, though, I found strength; I conquered my eating disorder, told myself that I was over it, and I was. it was the day before my seventeenth birthday, and I had destroyed an eating disorder, all on my own. March twenty first, I got a tattoo (click!) because I felt that if I could defeat anorexia, I could do anything. I shouldn't have gotten it, quite frankly; I don't know how I was so lucky, but I managed it. in April, I broke up with Joseph, telling him to just leave. later, the tall suit-wearer came in again, once again wearing his formal outfit (topped with the fedora), after an eleven hour shift of mine. I felt like death, but he couldn't stop smiling at me. I was so stressed before he came in, and as guilty as I felt for it, I found myself... missing him, wishing that he might show up. and when he did... everything was okay. all the stress was gone. everything inside of me calmed down, and I relaxed, and I exhaled the breath I'd been holding for god knows how long. later on, I was cleaning again, and he followed me to talk to me. I decided to be flat out and honest; I told him about my ex, my eating disorder, everything. I wanted to scare him off. it didn't work. he told me that normally he's afraid of women, but he couldn't stop thinking about me. then, he said he was going to leave, and that if I ever wanted to talk to him again, I'd have to text him (because I had been failing to and he wanted me to make the effort). I said I needed his number again (long story behind why I wouldn't have had it) and he texted me, just a space, so I'd have it. the moment I got off, I texted him, and we started talking regularly. that night, he gave me a ride home from work. I barely knew him, and I didn't find myself interested at the time. I remember looking at him, wondering why the hell I was in his car, letting him drive me home. we sat outside on my porch for a while, talking, huddled up in a blanket together, and every time our eyes met, I knew he was dying to kiss me. but he respected me, and didn't. this happened again multiple times, then one night, he had confidence. we were standing outside his truck, and I was bidding him goodnight, when he said it -- flat out, "I'm gonna kiss you." and then he did. it was awkward, because I was nervous and my stomach was fluttering and I couldn't believe it had just happened, but when I went inside, I found myself spinning in happiness. he made me giggly and happy. I felt comfortable with him. I felt pretty. happy. like I could be myself. June fifth, he asked me out, and of course I said yes. he made -- makes -- me ridiculously happy. ever since then, things between us have been wonderful. he told me he loved me before he even asked me out, and even though I was scared to say the same, I knew that somewhere inside of me it was true, I was just too afraid to realise it. he takes me away from my depression and anxiety. he lets me relax, and be myself, and laugh about absolutely nothing. I can kiss him and miss and we'll both laugh at how adorable we are. he gives me confidence, he makes me feel pretty, and he makes me unbelievably happy. after three abusive guys, three cheaters (yep, Joseph too), three terrible men, I finally found one who treats me like an angel. and I love him, I really do. he makes my life so much better.

watch the change in my happiness. <3

20 june 2011 / 1 march 2012 / 20 december 2012 / 2 may 2013 / 2 june 2013, yes i'm wearing his fedora / 6 june 2013 / 11 august 2013 / 11 august 2013 with the best expression ever / 11 august 2013. my family members say they've never seen me happier / 11 august 2013, one of my favourites / 18 august 2013, wasn't with him but even so i'm still happy. and silly / 25 august 2013, went on a date with him wearing his fedora and looked pretty cute / 25 august 2013, i bought him that necklace and i'm wearing one that i literally stole off of his neck xD / was my phone bg for a while, he was trying to make me smile and was just so asdjgsa;jdf adorable / and him, tanner, mal'akhiy <3


and for your read...

tehehe :3 my kitten is king


now how have things been for you cuties? :3

edit; also this

[Beetlestripe (fiah!)]

I don't think I've been active on here for, like, three years.

Dudes, where did the time go?

It's so good to be back. I remember joining ITW back in 2006 when I first started middle school. Only 11, socially inept, and painfully awkward. It's amazing to see how much had changed during my time on here, and even more so about the changes that have happened since I was last on here. I actually walk with my shoulders straight and my head high, I actually make eye contact, I actually talk to strangers and people of the opposite sex (a little liquid pride can go a long way, though. Lol)

Oh, man, where should I even begin?

All in all, not that much has happened (at least not that I can think of, but my head is so crowded with schoolwork right now..) My reasons for leaving three years ago was that I didn't have the time and I needed to buckle down with my education; I acquired a job at the Papa John's that opened in my town and was awarded Employee of the Month for the first month the store was open. I was dating Nick at the time (I think some of you might remember me talking about him?) and things seemed to be going okay. But soon afterwards, I was losing respect at work and things were falling through with Nick. He grew cold, aloof. I tried everything I could to get him back to the way he used to be, but in the end he dumped me for a girl he had met only the day before. It really hurt. I had just graduated high school (which was absolutely horrifying to me because I didn't think I was ever going to be ready for moving away to college), I was about to go on a vacation with a father who had been absent from my life from before birth to sixteen (and I contacted him, not him contacting me), and I was also really depressed. Nick didn't help by taking my heart and crushing it in multiple ways. I spent all of last summer sitting under a hazy cloud of depression; I didn't talk to my friends that much, I starved myself, and I spent every morning battling panic attacks that would make my heart race and my breathing stop completely. The father that I wanted to at least try to be that told me he couldn't connect with me because he didn't think I was his child, implying my mother was a mousehead. Once again, I found myself with no connection to my father, and was glad that I wasn't involved with his stupidity anymore. But it made me sad to learn that he was a foul and hypocritical man; the calculations and implications I formed of men that summer were beyond degrading and resentful.

When I first started college last fall, things seemed even worse. I was still nursing my wounds from the degrading way Nick treated me, my mom had just gotten married (which was a huge catastrophe for me because my mom had never been married before and I absolutely resented--and still do resent--her husband), and I was living on campus with all of these people I had never met before. Only three people--including myself--from my school went to Winthrop, and I didn't get along with them. I was an extremely anxious and fragile fish out of water. My depression got worse, I lost 20 pounds within the first month, and I never went outside. My roommate was just as much of a hermit as I was, and that didn't do any good for me. I was friendless and scared. Luckily for me, though, the program that I was in was really small. The freshman class of the Visual Communications department (my concentration is Illustration) totaled at around 75 people at the beginning of the year. By the end of the Spring semester, we were down to 34 people (8 of them being in illustration.) Because of the small numbers, and the nights we spent working in the studio together, I ended up forming my own family here. It made and makes me so happy to see the smiling faces everyday, to have friends that love me for who I am and support me in everything because they are experiencing the same thing. I actually find it hard to talk to my friends back at home because they just don't understand what I'm talking about. College was the best decision for me, and this is the happiest I've been in such a long time. Of course, I still have my moments where I see couples walk by holding hands, and I feel a pang deep in my chest that yearns for something like that again. The only person I had ever had anything with was Nick, and that was almost two years ago now. A lot of people who I knew years ago are getting married and having babies and it makes me anxious because I feel my biological clock ticking away. I don't believe in marriage, but I certainly don't want to die alone. But despite all of those thoughts, it doesn't really bother me that much.

HOW HAVE THE REST OF YOU LOVELIES BEEN?

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[Blackie]

SHARE TIME!!! Lolz

Let us see, such a lot has happened since the couple years I've been offline, but its such a lot of deeply rooted emotionalness that I can either bore you with the sappy details or gather it all simply. And some of you just may not believe me. Cuz I've spent the last two years growing up and maturing.

Pssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh X'D
AS IF

Lol, in seriousness, I have been charmingly rescued from self-loathing and pain by a perfectly simple boy. I owe my life to him. He has taught me kindness, confidence, and continues to teach me patience. No one is more patient then he is. Like, he's annoyingly patient. He gave me a friendship I could root myself too, quickly blooming into a bond we ever grow in. He claimed my trust, gave me my first kiss, fell to his knee and promised me his forever and everything. I love him with my soul.

Now, we have our own home packed full with furbabies. Three dogs, two cats, and a bunny keep us ever busy. Additionally with a full-time job each, and my fiance attending school for a medical administration masters, we have little time to spend together and I find myself constantly alone in the morning. But, our hard work will eventually pay off, giving us a financially stable and timely opportunity to expand our family, which I'm eagerly looking forward to.

ANNNNNNNNNNNNNND I love you guys!!!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO WRITE AGAIN!!!!!!!

[Ferny]

Daww everyone <3

Just saw this thread so xD might as well post

For the past 3 years or so I've been in College/University/whatever (xD) at first studying English, then studying Psychology, now happily settled into studying Geology. About 2 years ago (Everyone would remember her as Swiftpelt here) my friend I realized was just making me insanely depressed. I didn't want to go out anywhere, I'd get screamed at for not doing something she wanted, if I invited her over it was just constant badgering, if I went over to her house I would have to witness her abusing her mother, so I decided eff this and broke off our friendship. Due to that she began this mission to completely make everyone hated me, any 'friend' I had from High School stopped talking to me, which in the end I didn't even care, as long as I was away from her I was darn okay. So I struggled a bit with that, with all the abusive hateful messages over facebook and text until I blocked her. (Though now whenever I see her working at Walmart I die a little inside cause I get this immense anger and hatred xD)

I still haven't had that good of luck with friends, no guy has ever shown interest in me, and I am generally very alone xD Still xD Except however in 2011 I was on this site as an artist and ended up meeting this amazing friend who has solidly been there for me all these years, So YAY FERNY FINALLY GOT A FRIEND!

But ah, yeah. Little bit more in the past. Don't know if everyone knows but my parents have been divorced for 10 or so years now, been a bit of a struggle because of the hatred my sister has towards me (because ;D you know I'm to blame, obviously) and the fact that every year my father looses more and more interest in us. He dated this one woman whom... I absolutely adored, she was very much an insanely close friend of mine, I loved getting over to his house to see her, loved talking to her, etc...then brain cancer took her from us. :c I still get upset just thinking of it. Over the years he's continued to date... I think he's on number 7 now, and engaged... lovely. Oh and he moved to Oregon, where I'm trying to move, lovely again.

A few months ago I put myself into the University's psychological help center, just because I NEEDED someone to talk to... my sister had attacked me (Giant scar on my arm...thanks sis) for no reason just for me breathing (quite literally). So I was in a very low place, come home, sit in my room, not interact, etc. But luckily I had an amazing psychologist and we worked through a lot of my problems, so now I'm out of that and ... about 110% happier.

Anywho XD I turn 21 on the fifth of October, and holy heck I can't believe it xDD No plans at all... not even to go drink or anything lol. My sister packed up her stuff and jumped ship to Florida with a friend she barely knows, now she's jobless and regretting it. My mom and I are trying to move to the Corvallis/Salem/Eugene region of Oregon (I've transferred to their campus) and yet no bites on our property yet :c And I've pretty much lost complete contact with my dad cause his new family means more :3

SO YEAH /end story

[owly ✿]

wow wow its been so long!!
um idk where to even start???

i came out as being transgender almost a year ago now!
please refer to me as male he/him, etc! i know its a change but! yeah aha idk

um !! i go by ed or sam, but obviously owly here :3

i dated someone for almost a year and thought it was going to last a Long time tbh but he left a few weeks short of being w/ me a year. that hurt me and i got into the psych hospital a few times since i've talk to you all last.

my depression and such has gotten worse but im dealing w/ it!
i have some Very good friends and im working on getting a job in january!!

im 18 now, Dang time has passed?

most of my life is drawing, listening to music and watching anime.
also my pets!! i have a dog, a gecko and 11 chickens.

i miss you guys so much!!! i hope this place gets active as heck

[Spook]

Wow y'all. It's been forever. Even longer since somebody posted here in this thread. But I just wanted to let you know that everything's been alright. I don't remember the last time that I was really, truly active; maybe four or five years ago. Anyway. I've graduated high school and am (finally) a senior in college in Virginia. My health has been spotty, but getting better, because they found out I've had Lyme Disease for almost my whole life! So I've been in treatment for almost two years now and the side effects are nasty and make school hard, but it's better than it was in high school.

The long and the short of it is, I miss you all. I haven't been on in forever, but I still think of you all and how, growing up, we were so close to each other that I would take a 45 minute bus to the next town in Brasil just to talk to you.

Miss you xoxox